Jess Quote #765
Ryan: I saved you a seat.
Jess: Oh! No. I've been offered a seat at the higher-ups' table. The tastemakers. You're not invited.
Ryan: Oh, I see. You're back to avoiding me.
Jess: I'm not av... I don't know what you're talking about.
Ryan: Yes, you do. You've been avoiding me for weeks at school. That's why I was so happy that we were finally getting a chance to, I don't know, maybe get to know each other.
Jess: What, is this summer camp? We don't need to get to know each other.
Ryan: What's your problem with me? Did I do something to offend you?
Jess: Why do... I... I don't have a problem.
Ryan: You have a problem with me.
Jess: [mimicking British accent] I don't have a problem with you.
New Girl Quotes
‘Teachers’ Quotes
Quote from Coach
Carol: Health is the most important subject. Screw up, and they "just" get pregnant. What's your safe sex lesson plan?
Coach: I don't know! Uh, lie to them and say condoms feel good? Uh, maybe tell them about my buddy who's got bumps on his thing? Maybe bring up Magic Johnson. Maybe bring up Kobe Bryant.
Quote from Cece
Cece: And so exactly how do you plan to avoid this man that you are trapped in the same hotel with? There are, like, a thousand porns that start that way.
Jess: Yeah, but no porns have teachers.
Cece: Every porn has a teacher.
Quote from Jess
Jess: [on the phone] He's amazing. I think he might be an angel sent down to Earth like Denzel Washington in The Preacher's Wife.
Cece: Oh, honey, okay, what can I do?
Jess: In your purse, you will find a white envelope.
Cece: Okay, you, you wrote a letter to yourself, and stuck it in my purse?
Jess: Read it, I need to hear it.
Cece: "Dear Jess, If you are reading this, it's because you're being an idiot and developing feelings for your employee, you ballet-flat-wearing piece of Oregon trash."
Jess: You are so right. You are so right.
Cece: "To have intercourse with the first man hired under your reign would be an insult to yourself and also..." This part's in caps. "...all women everywhere."
Jess: All women everywhere.
Cece: "Did you learn nothing from the movie Elizabeth, you stupid little bitch?"
Jess: No one respects a queen who sleeps with her subjects. I will paint my face white. No man may have me.