TV Quotes

Winston: Nick, my man, looking good.
Schmidt: New set of PJs?
Nick: I know what you're doing. You're blowing hot air up in between my butt cheeks. And I'm no idiot. I know
I was let go 'cause of the dang old machine. Story as old as time. A new piece of technology comes around, and all the peasants freak out. But one prince knows what's going on, and he says: "Don't trust the technology!" And all you peasants trust it, and then the machine becomes self-aware and destroys you all. And then, I become the loneliest prince of all, laughing in my golden tower.
Schmidt: Isn't that a movie?
Nick: Maybe I stole that from War Games, yeah.
Schmidt: Short Circuit.
Nick: No, it isn't.
Winston: Man, you know what's a good movie? Splash.
Cece: I don't know what is happening.

Schmidt: I'm just excited to add a third number: Home, work and cell. Damn, I'm reachable. I'm definitely gonna mention that in my profile in Business, Man! Magazine.
Nick: Businessman Magazine?
Schmidt: No, no, no. Check that out: Business, Man! Magazine. I've gotten a lot of heat from working on the sponge account. I'm telling you, this is the first step in my quest to becoming a millionaire.

Winston: All right, everybody stop! Wherever you are right now, just sit down! Okay, now, Saturday is a day for sleeping, and damn it, you will not take that away from me! You, give her her scarf back. Finders keepers is not a thing. You, get out of my house!
Holly: Who are you?
Winston: Who am I? Who am I? Well, I am Theodore K. Mullins. And Nick is my lover on the down low. Tell her, Nick. Tell her how it really goes down in apartment 4D. Oh, great Negro spiritual, please come down and loose these chains on this woman! Flesh on flesh. When the lights are off, we are all the same.
Nick: Not true.
Winston: Dear lord, help me, Father! Get out of my house. Get out of my house!

Winston: There is this one thing that I miss. I probably shouldn't say, man. I can't.
Schmidt: No, come on. It's us, man.
Winston: Schmidt, I could really go for some crack.
Schmidt: What? Crack cocaine?
Winston: I remember when I was a kid, me, my mom, and her mom, and well, her mom, and then her mom, and then of course her mom, and then my little cousin, Peanut, they'd all rush back to that flaming trash can where we'd sit around and harmonize and just... [sings] Shoo-op. One of those nights I remember, well, we ran out of crack. I'd grab my scarf, and I would run on down to the liquor store where the thugs hang out, and I would try to get a good deal on some crack. [chuckles] Whoo! They never would give me a good price, man, but, uh, I tell you what, there's nothing like the... the feel of a fire, a fresh-baked cookie, and that sweet, sweet taste of crack in your lungs.