New Girl - Schmidt Quote #799

Quote from Schmidt in Landline

Schmidt: I'm just excited to add a third number: Home, work and cell. Damn, I'm reachable. I'm definitely gonna mention that in my profile in Business, Man! Magazine.
Nick: Businessman Magazine?
Schmidt: No, no, no. Check that out: Business, Man! Magazine. I've gotten a lot of heat from working on the sponge account. I'm telling you, this is the first step in my quest to becoming a millionaire.

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‘Landline’ Quotes

Quote from Nick

Winston: Nick, my man, looking good.
Schmidt: New set of PJs?
Nick: I know what you're doing. You're blowing hot air up in between my butt cheeks. And I'm no idiot. I know
I was let go 'cause of the dang old machine. Story as old as time. A new piece of technology comes around, and all the peasants freak out. But one prince knows what's going on, and he says:"Don't trust the technology!" And all you peasants trust it, and then the machine becomes self-aware and destroys you all. And then, I become the loneliest prince of all, laughing in my golden tower.
Schmidt: Isn't that a movie?
Nick: Maybe I stole that from War Games, yeah.
Schmidt: Short Circuit.
Nick: No, it isn't.
Winston: Man, you know what's a good movie? Splash.
Cece: I don't know what is happening.

Quote from Jess

Coach: I'm mad at you, Jess. Why'd you put me on blast like that?
Jess: Because you shouldn't be sleeping with other teachers, Coach, let alone two. Who are you, Blanche from Golden Girls?

Quote from Jess

Jess: Aah! This phone situation has me really jazzed up! Excuse my language. Now, I'm gonna propose something. Something insane. Now you just all have to stay calm and trust me.
[later:]
Winston: Fascinating.
Coach: Where do you put your music?
Schmidt: Why is there a rope?

Schmidt Quotes

Quote from Godparents

Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Girl: Nothing.
Schmidt: Typical!

Quote from D-Day

Nick: Are you okay? You look gray.
Schmidt: I didn't sleep. I was up preparing for an epic day of wedding decisions. I'm calling it D-Day. Of course, in this situation, the "D" stands for "decisions," and unlike the other D-Day, it will not be a walk on the beach.
Jess: That's incredibly offensive.
Schmidt: I know.

Quote from Wig

Schmidt: You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. There was one week where I pretended that you were a Democrat.
Cece: I am a Democrat.
Schmidt: [laughing] Ah, that's so funny. I love you.
Cece: Okay. So we tell Nick she has a glass eye.
Schmidt: He'll spin out. He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera taking pictures for Langley. [Cece scoffs] Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there-- just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira.