Jess Quote #723
Matt: It's because of my micropenis.
Jess: No! I looked it up and I-I actually feel like I could make that work. Um... No, it's... Don't take this the wrong way, but... It's actually your personality and everything about you.
Matt: You think I'm a douche bag.
Jess: You said that you thought street art was the closest thing to an education homeless people would ever get.
Matt: Okay.
Jess: And I when I asked you, "is that a joke?" You said...
Matt: Your mom is a joke.
Jess: Yeah. You said, "your mom is a joke." Right? That's kind of a douchey response.
Matt: I'm really sorry. I mean, I've been made fun of my entire life... in school, in locker rooms... so, yeah, I can be a douche bag sometimes. But I'm this way... because of my micropenis. Later.
New Girl Quotes
‘Micro’ Quotes
Quote from Schmidt
Cece: Hey! Okay, so you guys are kind of bringing the bar vibe down, and I need tips, so... pretend that you're having fun or pay for me to go to college.
Schmidt: You know, if I could give that poor man some of my penis, I would. But, obviously, you don't pull a bumper off a Ferrari.
Cece: It did go fast, I'll give it that. [Coach snorts]
Schmidt: You know, when I look at that picture, I think to myself, "Is there a God? And if-if there is, did he run out of clay?"
Quote from Coach
Coach: Can you tell Schmidt that my portfolio is way better than his portfolio? I'm better wet, I'm better dry, my sexy baby is way more believable than his. Watch, look... mama change baby 'cause baby made a dirty...
Schmidt: Okay, mine is way more sexy. There are people lining up in the streets to have sex with my baby.
Coach: Liar!
Jess: I don't like this.
Coach: You can't use that photo, unless you're planning on posing for the tiny nipples of America foundation.
Schmidt: Yeah, you're one to talk, Little Miss Princess Waist!
Coach: Hey, I'm a 26! That's normal!
Nick: Yeah, in Asia.
Coach: Who's talking to you, depression-era garbage man? I've been holding that in for two years.