Jess Quote #699
Michael: So, did you know you could put a whole live chicken in your mouth and eat it without plucking it or preparing it at all?
Schmidt: [whispering] Keep it simple.
Jess: Uh, let's keep it simple. You're a nice guy, and that's a neat outfit. Are you a chef? Are you a beatnik? Are... Do you work on... on a submarine?
Michael: Shh. [goes in to kiss Jess]
Jess: No! No! Oh. Stand down, sir!
Schmidt: We found your son. He's alive.
Jess: They found my son; he's alive. I'm sorry. It was nice meeting you.
New Girl Quotes
‘Dice’ Quotes
Quote from Jess
Schmidt: Dice is a dating app.
Jess: Dating app.
Schmidt: It's not for you.
Jess: What? Schmidty. Come on. I've Internet dated before. You send an e-mail, you get excited, you wait, you get an e-mail back.
Schmidt: You are just describing e-mailing.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: And that is why... No matter how tricked out it is... You never get into a van.
Jess: "No van."
Schmidt: Okay, moving on. Classic warning signs. Now, last night, the crazy man said he needed to meet you near his house. What he was really saying was, "I expect tonight to end in sex."
Jess: Or maybe he doesn't like to be far from his pets.
Schmidt: Never date a man with pets. The only acceptable pet for a man to have is a saltwater fish.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: The hell is that? What is that noise? [ringtone playing]
Nick: Your cellular technology.
Schmidt: I haven't gotten a non-text message in two years.