Coach: [sings to island beats] Tiny pants man He don't have friends That's why he got the clock He got the clock to watch his only friends.

Coach: My system is built to be easy. Okay. It's easy as peanuts.
Nick: Easy as peanuts?
Coach: Yeah.
Nick: That's not an expression; no one says that.
Coach: PEANUTS is an acronym. PEANUTS stands for: Physical Education Activity Nuts! Like, like go nuts, have fun!
Nick: Yeah, but you got to use every letter.
Coach: I'm aware of that, but it still works.

Coach: Nick? I want to talk to you about your fitness level.
Nick: Of what? My body?
Coach: When's the last time you worked out?
Winston: You know what? I'll tell you when the last time he worked out was. It was the time that he battled his daddy's other dumb sperm in order to make his way to his mama's dumb-ass egg.
Nick: Your burns are getting better, man.
Coach: Just really long.