Schmidt: What are you guys talking about?
Jess: Schmidt, if you want to hear what we're saying, come over here.
Winston: Don't shout across the room.
Schmidt: It's bad luck to see the body before the funeral.
Jess: No, that's, like, a wedding thing, Schmidt.

Winston: Hey, look, we're not mourning, okay? This is a celebration, you know? That's what funerals are about...
Schmidt: Winston, I just can't go to the funeral, okay? I don't want to go!
Winston: What the hell is the problem?
Schmidt: Look, I really want to support Nick. I do. I want to support his family. I want to be there for him, but... I'm scared of death.
Winston: Uh... wow. Uh... Schmidt, you know, death is natural, you know? It's a natural part of life. Everybody's scared of death.
Schmidt: Death, Winston. [whispering] Death. Death. And let me ask you something, Winston. What's with this open casket thing? All of a sudden, I-I got to walk in and I got to see the carcass? That's crazy. What if... what if his eyes open? What if his eyes open, and then he comes and haunts all of us? Why do... Why... Literally, why are the buttons on here? Because they're not holding anything together, yet I don't know which buttons are buttoned. How do you get this thing off, Winston?! I don't understand this middle-class button system! Get it off of me! [panting] So I don't think I'm gonna go to the funeral, man. I think I'm gonna hang back.

Bonnie: I want to thank you for coming, but it's, uh, over now, so...
Jess: [as Elvis] Stop the funeral! Everybody sit down. This is the King.
Bonnie: What the hell?
Jess: I think you mean... "What the heaven?" Mama.
Aunt Ruthie: It's Elvis.
Jess: [sings] As the snow flies On a cold and gray Chicago morn
Bonnie: What is this?
Jess: A poor little baby child Was born In the ghetto In the ghetto And his mama cried Cause if there's one thing that she don't need It's another hungry mouth to feed In the ghetto In the ghetto
Winston: You know, this is every day in North Korea.
Jess: Down in Chi-town In the ghetto In the ghetto.