Schmidt: Okay, neither of you are coming. I've been studying up for a full week. I can actually speak conversational Hindi. If that conversation is, "Hello." "Hello." "Samosa?" "Yes, please, Samosa." "More towels?" "Do you know where the white person's toilet is?" After that, it gets very confusing.
Nick: Can you drive in that dress?
Schmidt: You're right, I can't. All right, you're driving. Let's go.

Cece: You told me you had moved on.
Schmidt: Only people who haven't moved on say things like that. I'm a squirrel. You're my nut. Winter's coming. I'm gonna store you in my cheek, girl.
Cece: Please leave.
Schmidt: You and I not being together does not make sense to me. I miss your body and the things I used to do to it.
Cece: Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm talking about sex.
Cece: Today is about me finding someone within my own culture that I can build my life with. It's about more than sex.
Schmidt: Our sex was about more than sex. It was about history and memory and thousands of years of colonial suffering all being released in one moment of pure ecstasy.
Cece: Then why did the sex always end with you yelling, "Blammo, that happened"?
Schmidt: Blammo.

Cece: Hi, excuse me, I think that there's been just a little bit of a mistake with the tables.
Anu: Over 30, no advanced degrees, Table 34.
Cece: No, see, actually, I'm-I'm a professional model. I'm not famous or anything, but I was in Lil Wayne's last video. I was the girl he was throwing strawberries at in slow motion. [chuckles]
Anu: Definitely Table 34.