Nick: Don't mean to interrupt, I just hear you're the best teacher of adults?
Jess: Oh, no.
Nick: I wonder if there's room for one more?
Jess: No!
Nick: How you guys doing? I'm Julius Pepperwood.
Jess: Not now, okay?
Nick: I'm an ex-cop, ex-Marine. I'm here to learn how to write short fiction.
Jess: Oh, okay, Julius, just... take a seat and, um, keep small.
Nick: I'm from Chicago. Thin-crust pizza? No, thank you. I'm from Chicago.

Schmidt: A pogo is what your friends talk about when you leave the room.
Cece: Oh, like your barnacle toenails?
Winston: Uh... sh...
Schmidt: You guys talk about my toenails?
Winston: Never... talk about your toenails, Sch... Schmidt.
Schmidt: I know my toenails are a little rugged. Woodsy.
Winston: I mean, I have never wondered if you could shimmy up a palm tree.
Schmidt: But it's because I have a keratin surplus, I mean... They're not that bad, look at these things.
Winston: Aah! Schmidt!
Cece: Ew!
Winston: It looks like an open Swiss Army knife.
Schmidt: Most of them are hard, but one of them is really, really soft.

Jess: Oh, my God, what happened to your eyebrows? You look like Audrey Hepburn.
Winston: Don't we own an industrial-size paper cutter?
Jess: Ugh!
Schmidt: Oh, whatever.
Nick: What the hell is that?
Jess: So close to the eating area!
Schmidt: Winston told me that you guys make fun of my gremlin toenails. That you call them "clickety-clacks" or "centaur boots."