Bob Day: You know, it doesn't take a genius. All you got to do is follow the money.
Nick: Always follow the money. That's what I always say. You always follow the money.
Bob Day: Yeah, yeah. Oil companies.
Bob Day: Pharmaceuticals.
Bob Day: Big business, chicken corporations.
Both: Corn.

Schmidt: Yeah, but know this, all right. Your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about exfoliation.
Big Schmidt: Ha!
Schmidt: And cheese courses, and emotional honesty, and Paxil. And yes, cutting peppers in the classic style de julienne. You may have bested me in a competition of pre-Clinton manhood, but I am Schmidt. A refined and enlightened pescetarian. About 90% of the time.

Nick: I don't know if Jess has told you this, but I am writing a novel.
Bob Day: Oh, really?
Nick: Yeah.
Bob Day: What's it about?
Nick: It's about zombies.
Bob Day: Zombies?
Nick: And it's a relationship story. It has a great love story in there that could be made into a movie, I think.
Bob Day: The love story's between... whom?
Nick: The zombie and Carol.
Bob Day: Zombie and the-the... Carol is not a zombie? She's a regular person?
Nick: No, she's a rich girl.
Bob Day: Oh, so it's like the Twilight thing where...
Nick: It's not like the Twilight... No, it isn't.
Bob Day: Where the vampire falls in love with a regular person.
Nick: You don't really... you don't get it.
Bob Day: It's the same thing.