Schmidt: Not only am I the youngest person in this loft, I'm also the most successful.
Jess: Oh! Shut up, Schmidt. Are you honestly measuring yourself like a little boy?
Schmidt: I'm sorry that you're not growing any more like me. And apparently, I'm gonna be growing forever. I'm like a Jewish Peter Pan. Petya Pan. Peiter Pan. Pesach Pan.
Nick: Why don't you take it down a notch before this old man takes you outside and makes you pick a switch?
Schmidt: I'm like Snow Leopard. You guys are like DOS.

Schmidt: Now come on, guys, just tighten up, all right? Think young. What the hell is that smell?
Nick: It's Old Spice.
Schmidt: I'm smelling Old Spice?
Nick: Yeah, and yes, It has "Old" in the title, and yes, it's all over my body.
Schmidt: Okay, well, take it off.
Nick: I'm wearing the Spice. The Spice is cool.
Schmidt: It's not even a real spice, man. Take it off.
Nick: The Spice is coming back! Everybody knows it! The guy on the horse!
Schmidt: You can wear any spice. Don't wear Old Spice!
Winston: Classic cologne fight.

Nick: I like getting older. I feel like I'm finally aging into my personality.
[flashback to Nick reading a comic on his front step as Frisbee lands beside him:]
Young Nick: Keep this crap out of my yard! And turn that nonsense down!
[present:]
Nick: They never did get that Frisbee back. I used that Frisbee as a dish. [chuckles]
Jess: Seriously?
Nick: I used it for pistachios in my room.