Schmidt Quote #231
Quote from Schmidt in Backslide
Schmidt: Wow, so you guys are like real live Yodas, huh? Can I ask you a question?
Burt: Yeah.
Nana: Shoot, cowboy.
Schmidt: How do you build a relationship?
Burt: How 'bout Viagra? I use it just to keep from falling out of bed.
Schmidt: How does a guy like me have a chance at making someone like Cece happy?
Nana: You don't. Not with all those moles on your face.
Schmidt: I should just give up, huh?
Nana: That's crazy! She needs you! You are exactly what she needs.
New Girl Quotes
‘Backslide’ Quotes
Quote from Schmidt
Winston: So you and Cece are staying away from each other.
Schmidt: Only until my penis stops looking like a knotted wizard's staff.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: Hey, Jess. I brought you some tea. Just gonna leave it right here, okay? There you go. So, Russell... Ouch. Right? I mean, who saw that coming? Not me. Certainly not Russell. I guess, I guess you saw it coming. I mean, 'cause you're the one who broke up with him.
Jess: Leave, Schmidt.
Schmidt: All right, fine. I'll leave. But you know what? Know this: you're not the only one that's hurting here, Jessica Day. The economy stinks, bees are dying, movies are pretty much all sequels now, and I...
Jess: Don't say "broken penis."
Schmidt: ...have a broken penis. Don't pretend to know my pain.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: [moaning] It hurts so bad, because...
Cece: What's turning you on?
Schmidt: Oh...
Cece: The queen of diamonds? The bow?
Schmidt: Oh, my God.
Cece: The teeth in the glass?
Schmidt: I care about you so much.
Cece: The leaf painting?
Schmidt: But...
Cece: Is emotional intimacy turning you on?
Schmidt: [groans]
Cece: Are you in that much pain? Uh, he passed out. We need help!