Jess Quote #137
Jess: Oh, did you have a sexual guest?
Jess: Was it the same girl from the other night?
Schmidt: I don't know what you're talking about.
Jess: It is! Oh, my God. You slept with the same girl twice in a row? Was it a mistake? Was she wearing some kind of disguise? Hey, Nick, Schmidt slept with the same girl twice in a row. I owe you five dollars.
Quote from Winston
Nick: You know, I thought I heard the door open at 3:00 a.m. Those are the sounds of true love. Bet she had the time of her life.
Winston: What happened? Did I miss her?
Schmidt: You did.
Winston: Man, I love meeting the girls you bring home. I like to pretend like I'm your lover on the down-low. "Theodore K. Mullins. Damn, Schmidt, in our bed? Where we shave each other? I've always loved you, you're my boo."
Schmidt: Theodore K. Mullins is not my type, man.
Quote from Jess
Jess: [on the phone] Hi. Who do I speak to re: getting something removed from the Internet? Yeah, I can hold.
Jess Day Quotes
Quote from The Hike
Jess: We're lost. Why did you let me chase a waterfall? You know what TLC says.
Quote from Eggs
Jess: Guess what I'm worried about? This sound. You know what that sound is? It's the sound of an empty uterus. I don't need test results to tell me that it is The Grapes of Wrath in there. It is 1930s Dust Bowl in there, Schmidt. And they're all walking with limps.