Jess Quote #84
Quote from Jess in Bad in Bed
Jess: So, um... heads up, Paul's coming tonight. And I just wanted to tell you that I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna be searching for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
Winston: All right.
Schmidt: All right, hey!
Nick: Why are you telling us this?
Jess: 'Cause I want to. I want to give you a heads up.
Schmidt: You nervous? You need tips?
Jess: No, I'm not nervous. Just, you know, I can drive stick.
Schmidt: [chuckles] Yeah, 'cause it seems like you're freaking out a little bit. With this whole activity.
Winston: That's not stick, that's automatic.
Jess: That's not automatic.
New Girl Quotes
‘Bad in Bed’ Quotes
Quote from Jess
Jess: [British accent] Mr. Darcy's going to love my new bonnet.
Cece: Why are we here?
Jess: You don't understand. You've never been cheated on before. Spencer and I never tried anything new, and maybe if I'd been... more erotic...
Cece: Spencer cheated on you because he's a total jerk, not 'cause you're bad in bed.
Jess: It's been six years. Everything I know about sex, I learned from Spencer or the Clinton impeachment trial.
Quote from Paul
Jess: I just haven't had sex with anyone but Spencer in six years, and I get so nervous. It's like starting a new job with a really weird interview.
Paul: Don't worry about it. I'm good. I'm more than good. It's okay.
Jess: You know what? Tomorrow night. Let's just go out to dinner and then just nail each other. Just pound each other. V-bomb on the P-bomb. [makes explosion noise]
Paul: I would have the... P-bomb, right?
Quote from Jess
Jess: Hey, guys, I don't have much time. Can we get this back on track? I need to know what to do. Would flicking be, like, a cool thing?
Schmidt: No.
Nick: No!
Winston: Absolutely not.
Schmidt: How about role play? Do you know any voices?
Jess: Yes. I can do an old-timey newscaster, like, "Hey there, son, I'm gonna kick you into next Tuesday, see?"