Schmidt: Hey, look. You've been out of the game for a while. I have three date packages. They work every time. Package A) Close-up magic, dinner, drinks. Package B) Close-up magic, drinks. Package C) Close-up magic.

Schmidt: How'd the job interview go?
Winston: You know, terrible.
[flashback:]
Interviewer: Did you see the JWoww retweet and Gaga Twitpic?
Winston: I know Word, and I can open a document... Save it, save as, print, print preview...
[present:]
Winston: She just wanted to chitchat about stuff I've never even heard of.

Winston: I've spent the last two years of my life in Latvia. I was playing ball year round. I didn't read the news. I have no idea what happened in America. I've got interviews tomorrow. Fill me in. What'd I miss?
Schmidt: From... from the past two years?
Winston: Give me the highlights. Highlights.
Schmidt: Okay. Uh, country's broke. Betty White's back.
Winston: Oh, cool, cool. What about the rest of the Golden Girls?
Schmidt: All dead, man.
Winston: Damn.