Nick Quote #1327
Nick: [on the phone] Fine, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'm breaking up with Reagan and it didn't quite go as planned. I'm- I'm in a really bad situation and Jess always says the right thing and I, I really need her.
Bob Day: Let me- Let me ask you a question. You're in the ocean with Jess, and a shark starts coming towards you. What do you do?
Nick: Which ocean?
Bob Day: I-I don't know, Pacific.
Nick: What type of shark?
Bob Day: What the hell difference does it make?
Nick: Well if it's a hammerhead, you just tickle it between the sideways eyes and you have a companion for life. Then you got tiger sharks, you got whale sharks, you got trumpet sharks, which I believe are a thing. If not, it definitely should be.
Bob Day: It's just a regular shark. You know what? Good-bye.
Nick: Okay, vague premise aside, I don't know what I would do, but if Jess was with me, I'm sure... I'm sure we'd be okay. She's got that giant heart that's, that's part compass and, and part flashlight and... she's just the greatest person I have ever met. Bob? Does that answer your question or what?
Bob Day: It does. Weirdly enough, it does.
Quote from Aly
Aly: You ended a relationship without any confrontation. You got what you wanted.
Nick: Then why do I feel so terrible?
Aly: Maybe you feel bad because your relationship with Reagan actually meant something to you, and you ended it like it didn't.
Nick: Right. I'm sorry I put you in the middle of this, Aly. But I'm also glad you were here 'cause I feel like we bonded.
Aly: It was one of the most frustrating days of my entire life. I'm exhausted. I feel like a single mom in a mop commercial.
Nick: Welcome to the loft.
Quote from Bob Day
Jess: What about Priscilla?
Bob Day: What?
Jess: What? Come on.
Bob Day: No. No. I'm an old man. She doesn't want an old man. Look. I've got a Band-Aid on my hand. Not on the finger, the hand. That is an old-man thing.
Quote from Young Adult
Nick: I'm using magnetic words to break through my writer's block, and it's not working. I've already folded all my shirts and masturbated six times, and I'm running out of things to do. I'm just in a real bind. You see, The Pepperwood Chronicles sold over 30 copies, Jess.
Jess: So, what, we're complaining about good things now?
Nick: It's just, my audience is gonna be clamoring for a sequel, and I can't leave those stevedores, those-those tugboat workers, those lighthouse keepers empty-handed.
Jess: You think that your audience is entirely made of, like...
Nick: Blue-collar nautical workers on the coastline of Maine. I don't think that, Jess, I know that.
Quote from Basketsball
Nick: Hey, where are you guys getting your photos developed these days? I got these beefcake selfies that I want to dangle in front of Jess, get her engine revved up.
Schmidt: Your phone has a camera, Nick.
Nick: These are sexy, sensual, private pics. I don't want them beamed right into Snowden's pocket. I'm not going through Wikileaks, man. It's not for me. Analog. It's the only thing you can trust.
Winston: You care to elaborate, you know, on this whole analog thing?
Nick: No, here's the reality, you never know what's gonna happen with a phone.
Nick: The hinges that hold the flip together, they get loosened over time when... when they get wet. And then once you open it, it's easier for people to go in there and see your passwords and, you know, see your codes. Once the screen breaks, your information's in the Twitterverse, man. And it's all out there for everyone to see, all these little monkey elves, man, all these kids. That's all they do. [sputters] Get your information, man. Bottom line is you can't control your technology. That's what's going on in Japan with all those robots. Not for me, man. That's why I trust a hard copy. Plain and simple.
Quote from Goldmine
Nick: When I came out, was it flashy? Was it emotional? Am I mad that Anderson Cooper doesn't fly the flag? Or for what he's doing in his own way-- is it even braver?
Jess: These are all really good questions, but I just can't get my mind off, like, why you dress this way. Why aren't you in better shape?
Nick: Don't put me in a box! There's nothing we gay men hate more than being put in a box.
Nick: Look, maybe I'm a bear, maybe I'm a twinkler.
Jess: That's not a category.
Nick: [loudly] I like rugby for the game and for the men. Now, if you excuse me, I got to go do that gay thing I was telling you about, because, of course, I'm gay as hell. [Jess laughs] Bye.
Jess: [whispers] That's not how gay men talk.
Nick: [whispers] I am shattering stereotypes.