New Girl - Coach Quote #210

Quote from Coach in Homecoming

Jess: God, it's a perfect fall New York day. I'm almost sorry we're leaving.
Coach: What the hell is going on? Were you not gonna call me? How long you been here?
Nick: We literally just got here.
Jess: Well, we were gonna go...
Schmidt: I had a, uh...
Coach: If I wasn't... If I didn't just run into you, you guys would have just been... The only reason I'm not pissed... it's because I've been in L.A. like five times. So... we're good. [all cheering] I've got other friends.

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‘Homecoming’ Quotes

Quote from Cece

Cece: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Cece Schmidt. So if any of you have anything else you'd like to say to my husband, I will drag you outside and we will handle this L.A. style. I will take you to the corner of Fairfax and La Brea. [crowd booing]
Winston: Those are parallel streets.
Nick: I'm not telling her that.
Louise: That's my daughter! We have to leave. Where's my car?
Jess: Even though your car is definitely here, it's a beautiful night... let's walk.
Winston: Okay, look, she clearly did something weird with your car, but I got something. Trust us.
Cece: Sepulveda! La Cienega, bitches. El Matador beach.
Schmidt: You're just naming places in Southern California.
Cece: Nickel Canyon!

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Um... [clears throat] Excuse me, Marissa, I'm very sorry. I... I would just be remiss if I let this moment pass me by. You know, I'm a lucky man. Because I wouldn't be the man that I am today if it weren't for the experiences that I've had right here. So, thank you... for being the worst that humankind has to offer. That includes Harvey Levin and every cast member that's ever been on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Thank you for showing me that athletic apparel is something that should never be worn outside the house, you chubby-thumbed pickle hoarders. And in conclusion, you're all ugly. I make money. You just got roasted by the California Kid. I did it! [silence] [Nick applauds]
Marissa: Oh, you sure do talk a lot when your mouth isn't full... Great Neck. [laughter] Thank you, Schmidt. Boy, that was real embarrassing for you, huh?

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: This is my man, and he is distinguished, people.
Schmidt: Yes, the high school that once treated me like a nobody is finally recognizing me for what I am. This is it. This is all happening. Comeuppance. Genuine come up the pants!

Coach Quotes

Quote from Spiderhunt

Schmidt: Wait a minute, is your e-mail address [email protected]?
Winston: Still?
Coach: Yeah, man. Picked it in college. It's just gonna follow me from job to job, ISP to ISP. We've been everywhere together, brotha. Never done .org or a .gov. I would never do that.
Winston: Right.
Coach: But every other damn domain.
Schmidt: You can't e-mail a girl like May from an e-mail address like owwMeSoErnie. Although, you did got a job at a school, so what do I know?

Quote from Fired Up

Coach: I'm what?
Jess: We had to do budget cuts, and we have to let two people go, and you're my friend, and I couldn't stop it. I'm so sorry.
[The boys' basketball team runs in with a custom-made jacket for Coach]
Boy: We all pitched in.
Coach: Thanks, guys. I'm not coach anymore. I'm just Coach.

Quote from Dance

Coach: You three are the worst chaperones possible on earth. A dog would be better than you. A plant wearing underwear would be better than you. Ray Charles' ghost would be better than you! Wh- What kind of men are you?