Nick: Back to the basics, Schmidt. Okay, there's only seven types of stories.
Schmidt: Please, don't list them.
Nick: I'm gonna list them. Man vs. Man, Man vs. Dog, Dog vs. Zombie, James Bond, stories of kings and lords, women over 50 finding themselves after divorce, and car commercial.
Winston: My favorite is, uh, that Toyota, Uh... Ev-every... the family's in the car...
Nick: You're thinking of the food commercial.
Schmidt: Really? Fat boy talks to idiot.
Nick: Okay, eight, fat boy talks to idiot.

Aly: Oh, Winston, now's really not a good time.
Winston: I know saying the word "bride" to you was a little crazy, But let me just explain myself, okay? What I meant to say is that you're beautiful. Every day with you is so much better. Your brain is banging. The skin-bag it comes in ain't too bad either. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know what, except that I'm not sorry, okay? Because this is who I am.
Aly: No, Winston, I have food poisoning. Yeah, I don't know who let Nick's mute park friend cook dinner for 20, but I want to find and throw up on them.

Schmidt: If you don't mind, I'd like to say a few words about my mom and my mom's...
Louise & Susan: My mom's friend Susan.
Schmidt: God, you guys, let me talk ["tawk"]. Look, Susan, I know I never fully accepted you. I just... I didn't know how long you were gonna be around. And, also, you used to call my mom the Big Ragoo and me the Little Ragoo, and I couldn't make any sense of it. But... You're a part of our family now. To my mom... And my mom.