‘Normal’
Season 1, Episode 20 - Aired April 10, 2012
Jess lives to regret inviting Russell to hang with the guys in the loft. Meanwhile, Winston gets a job interview at a radio station.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: Ooh, ooh, Cece, this is the best game of True American ever. I'm this close to winning.
Cece: I'm gonna go get in your bed.
Winston: Damn.
Schmidt: Yeah, I'm out. [drops can]
Nick: Schmidt, no! No!
Quote from Winston
Russell: Let me straighten you out. Here's what you do. Your boss is power-playing you. So you need to power-play him back.
Nick: Yes.
Winston: How do I do that?
Russell: Dip your boys in his shake.
Jess: What?!
Russell: That's all you gotta do. Your testicles, dip 'em in, wring em out, dip it again and give him his shake. That's how you do it.
Jess: That's a terrible idea.
Russell: Jess, no, no. Shh. Hang on. It's like a guy thing. Territory. Jess, you don't know.
Nick: It's a guy thing, you know? Jess doesn't get it. It's a territory...
Jess: Stop copying Russell.
Nick: I'm not copying him. I love him.
Schmidt: Classic is a classic, you know what I mean? Just get in there, dunk your nuggets in his shake!
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: Come on. Look at this. There's no brushed steel, no nickel. I mean, it's got none of the baller metals. I mean, come on, man. I'm not gonna get Winkelvossed because of your sloppiness.
Nick: What do you mean, "I"? Real Apps is my idea. You just came up with the name!
Schmidt: Yeah, and the name is the game, friendo.
Nick: Mm-mm.
Schmidt: Yes, it is, man.
Nick: No, it isn't. No, it isn't, man.
Schmidt: Would you line up around the corner if they called the iPhone a "slippery germ brick"?
Nick: Yeah, actually, I might.
Schmidt: That's why they call it basketball and not "peach basket catch-it-up."
Nick: You just came up with that?
Quote from Winston
Joe Napoli: Hey, hey, we're back here on the Joe Napoli Show, and let me introduce you to a new member of the Joe Napoli Show family, and that is Winston Bishop, who is our new assistant. I'll tell you what ... he's sharp as a tack. Ladies, there's no ring on his finger, and, Winston, why don't you tell us just a little bit about yourself? [goofy voice] Hey, thanks, a lot, Joe. I really want to tell you about myself. You know, I been on the job two days, and I don't know how to make no milk shake. Oh, and I played two years of mediocre Division I basketball.
Winston: Wow.
Joe Napoli: And why was that? [goofy voice] Well, because I really didn't know how to play basketball. I got recruited for a girls' volleyball team. [normal voice] All right, there he is. That's Winston Bishop. And we'll see you again probably never. All right, turning now to the NBA picture, it looks like the West...
Quote from Jess
Russell: Oh, maybe I should just go back to bed.
Jess: I have a really nice day planned for us. We're gonna go apple picking...
Russell: I don't... I don't pick apples. That... that's... that's not gonna happen.
Jess: Are you serious?
Russell: Because it's picking and it's apple...
Jess: You're serious?
Russell: That literally sounds like hell.
Quote from Jess
Jess: I have an idea for your Idea book! Replace the Band-Aids!
Nick: Very fair.
Jess: It's so sticky!
Nick: Oh, I have an app for that.
Quote from Winston
Joe Napoli: Hey, Bishop, I thought you left early. Assumed you weren't coming back.
Winston: There was something wrong with the shakes, so I went in and just threw them out because there's something wrong with 'em. Speaking of which, I should probably go ahead and throw that one out.
Joe Napoli: What did you do to the shakes?
Winston: They've been compromised.
Joe Napoli: What... did... you... do?
Winston: Look, I really, really want this job, Mr. Napoli, and I know you're going to fire me if I tell you what I did, but I would love a future here, and I don't want that to be jeopardized by a moment of... poor judgment. I put my beans in your shakes. Yeah, and I... I shook it around a little bit like this.
Joe Napoli: In there? You stuck 'em down in there, huh?
Winston: I did.
Joe Napoli: [laughing] Oh, man! [laughing] You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna do that to Kareem.
Quote from Jess
Jess: Well, I'm not here to apologize. I'm here to fight with you, and I don't care if you want to fight or not.
Russell: All right, let's fight.
Jess: Well, I was prepared to have a perfectly nice weekend with you, and you just give up, and you come home.
Russell: Because I was bleeding from my hand. I had to go to the ER. I had to get a stitch.
Jess: Ooh, stitches. I'm too fancy for a Band-Aid. I'm actually... I'm actually really sorry about that.