‘Naked’
Season 1, Episode 4 - Aired November 1, 2011
Nick's self-esteem is shot after Jess accidentally walks in on him naked. Meanwhile, Winston has some catching up to do as he reenters the job market.
Quote from Jess
Jess: Okay. I'll ignore it. [sings] Not gonna talk about...
Schmidt: Or sing about it.
Jess: The bing-bong. I'm done.
Quote from Nick
Nick: [admiring photo frame] President Obama.
Amanda: Yeah, I like him to watch over me. Do you, like, want to take it slow... or something?
[cut to Nick and Amanda, fully clothed, laying side by side in bed:]
Amanda: This is nice.
Nick: Yeah.
Quote from Jess
Jess: Nick, wait! Nick, we have to talk about this What are you doing? I'm sorry I saw your doojer and your chickadees. And I didn't mean to laugh. I just...
Nick: Then why did you laugh? Is there something funny about it?
Jess: No. It's beautiful. Stately. A real treat.
Nick: Oh, my God.
[A smartly-dressed man enters the elevator]
Jess: [whispers] I think it's great you dance naked to Jamaican music. That's really cool. You should explore your sexuality.
Quote from Nick
Jess: Nick, please talk to me.
Nick: Jess, there's nothing to talk about. You ruined my date. Every time I tried to take my clothes off, Jess, I heard your little... [screaming cackle] Your little crazy giggle scream. And all I want to do is have meaningless sex with a beautiful woman who, yes, talks in mind-bending riddles. But I can't, because I can't get your little... [screaming cackle] out of my head.
Jess: Well, maybe you don't want to have meaningless sex. Maybe that's not your style.
Nick: Well, I have a bing-bong and chickadees. It is my style.
Quote from Cece
Jess: I guess I missed the moment when everybody got cool about sex. I really messed up.
Cece: Ah, guys are simple. You know what I would do? I would just make it even. You've seen his; show him yours.
Quote from Schmidt
Winston: You know, I think I was just scared, man. I've been playing basketball my whole entire life. What if I was wasting my time? Maybe I should have been figuring out my life like you.
Schmidt: [laughs] I don't have anything figured out. I'm a fully-grown man with roommates. I have a stupid job. I'm single. My best friend won't even let me see his penis. I mean, my whole life is a sham. Aah!
Winston: I actually feel a lot better. Thanks, Schmidt.
Schmidt: [gasping] Winston, my legs!
Winston: Schmidt?
Schmidt: My legs are seizing up.
Winston: Schmidt!
Schmidt: I hate my life. I hate my... making new discoveries. I'm a fear-based person, apparently. Stop it. Go. I need a... Give me a hug, please. 911. Ow. Ow.
Quote from Nick
Nick: We live in a world with rules. We knock. We have doors. And we knock on those doors.
Jess: I'm sorry, Nick.
Nick: Just knock!
Quote from Jess
Nick: Come in. [Jess knocks] Jess, you don't have to knock once you're in the room.
Jess: I worked on something for you.
Nick: All right.
Jess: Penis.
Nick: Very good.
Quote from Schmidt
Nick: Get out, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm the only one who hasn't seen it.