Schmidt: Now give me some stuff like it's the first day of school, right?
Coach: Okay.
Schmidt: That's right, and you got your backpack on. Yeah, there you go. But you packed your own lunch. But what you don't know is when you were making it, you got some mustard on your forehead. That's right. Now you're playing pictionary, okay? Now you're playing pictionary, and what do you... Ooh, now I got... Now I got my little card. What am I gonna draw? What am I gonna draw? You get sardines. They don't smell good. How do I draw a smell? How do I draw a smell? What does that look like? That's modeling. That's right.

Coach: Hey, give me five. I got to protein-load.
Schmidt: What do you see we split that last packet of power goo.
Cece: I cannot believe that this actually worked.
Winston: Oh, man...
Cece: No, that's a lie... I would've been surprised if it didn't.
Winston: A classic CeCe-Winston mess around.
Cece: That's not a thing.
Winston: All right.

Coach: What's going on with you two?
Cece: Hey.
Winston: What?! Nothing. Man, we just being mega-cool over here.
Coach: What is going on, guys?! Wait. Hold... Hold on. Was all this a classic CeCe and Winston mess-around?!
Cece: No!
Winston: Yes. Yeah.
Cece: Do not acknowledge that is a thing. It's not a thing.

Schmidt: It's glorious, isn't it?
Jess: How did this happen? Are there just no laws in Korea Town?
Coach: Uh, well, uh, Cece's agent saw Schmidt's portfolio and loved it.
Cece: Yeah, yeah, he, uh... he fast-tracked it.
Schmidt: That- That's an industry term. So, what am I selling here anyway?
Winston: Oh, uh, you know, uh, Korean-Jewish interrelations.
Schmidt: All right.

Coach: Ooh-hoo-hoo, yeah. I like those boobies. Sweet little '70s boobies. Bra burning, feminist boobies.
Bouncin' around like they ain't go no sense.
Nick: You like 1970s cans? See, not me... I'm a 1950s guy. Post-Korean war, pre-Vietnam war...
Coach: My Nana has those.

Nick: Almost too big.
Coach: Way too big.
Nick: Those are intimidating, right?
Schmidt: Too small. Gotta be able to palm a basketball, if you want to slam or jam or dunk it.

Winston: See, they're too straight for me, you know? I like 'em going in two different directions. Like-like cookie monster.
Coach: Oh, yeah, like his eyes.
Winston: Ooh. Now, see, my boobs got to go "ooh!"

Jess: Oh, my God. You guys are ruling women out based on their breast size? It's the least important part of a woman's body. Unless you're a baby. Are you guys babies?
Nick: We're not babies.
Jess: I'd like to think that... that you guys see value in women's bodies other than just the way they look.
Schmidt: Come on, Jess, you're really gonna tell me that you don't care what a guy looks like?
Jess: Well... I'll notice an attractive man. I can go to the butcher and pick out a nice rump. But I'm not gonna rule out a guy based on how he looks... that's shallow.

Jess: Okay, if you saw me in the bar and I was a stranger, would you rule me out based on my breast size?
Nick: Absolutely not. Your breasts are perfect. Now, if I saw your wonky knee? That's a whole 'nother ballgame.
Jess: What w...
Schmidt: Wonky knee?
Coach: You have a wonky knee?
Jess: You think I have a wonky knee?
Nick: The left knee's perfect. Uh, but the right one's got some stuff.
Jess: Why?
Nick: Well, stuff. Um... oh, why do you think I always let you take your own pants off before sex?
Jess: Because you're the laziest person I've ever met.

Nick: Jess, I know I'm not perfect, but if you're asking me if I judge, you know, women based off their breasts, then the answer is yes. Everybody knows that boobs are a direct indicator of personality.
Jess: All right... What are you guys doing?
Schmidt: Yeah, how you walking on this thing? That knee is not architecturally sound.
Coach: I don't trust it.
Winston: Man, if you had a jacket on with a bunch of yellow feathers, I'd be done!