Jess: Well, congratulations, Miller. You were right.
Nick: What happened?
Jess: I terrorized a restaurant. I got a good man fired.
Winston: I might have ran over a lizard with my wheelchair, but I am ashamed of it.
Jess: So, that's what you get for trying. Let's see what the enemy tastes like.
Nick: It's good.
Winston: Anybody want to help me use the bathroom?
Nick: No.
Winston: Okay. I'll figure it out.

Nick: First we're gonna start with compliments to build up your confidence. Okay, uh... Coach, you're a great guy. You've got strong bodies. Aah! What? You just need some more clients. I believe in you.
Coach: Thanks.
Nick: Jess, you're awesome. You are the most resourceful, optimistic, amazing person I've ever met in my life.
Jess: I can't even get my kids on a field trip.
Nick: You can do anything you put your mind to 'cause you're smart, okay? Why can't you get 'em on this field trip?
Jess: There's no way to get them to the beach.
Nick: That's a board. Karate-kick it!
Coach: You're not used to making speeches, are you?
Nick: Point of it is, is you never give up.

Schmidt: Fine. I guess you win. I sort of miss being here.
Coach: Well, the nanny cam kind of gave it away.
Winston: Well, nobody helped me, so now there is a real mess.
Nick: Hey, Winston, do you have some money where we could rent, like, a car or a bus or something?
Winston: I found this wheelchair in a ditch.

Jess: Boys and girls, transportation provided by Hop Foo's restaurant. All right, everybody, we did it! Ocean Conservation Day starts now! Welcome to the Pacific Ocean! Yeah. The large body of water to my left. No horseplay, guys. Guys, don't talk to strangers.

Jess: You made a difference. How's it feel?
Nick: It feels good. [laughs] Yeah, actually, it feels great. I feel like, um I don't know. I feel like running. Hey, Coach, you want to show me how?
Coach: How to run?
Nick: Come on. Coach me! Is this right, Coach? Am I doing it right?
Coach: Miller, you sorry excuse for a human being, you are shaped like a bean bag chair! I will sit in you!
Nick: Ah, you can do it.
Winston: I'm coming, too. 'Cause I ain't a quitter! Ironside! I'm coming... Aah! I am all-terrain, baby.
Coach: I was wrong about you, okay? You're not a quitter. Now, please, quit!

Winston: What are you doing to me?
Schmidt: [to Jess] Your students are burying Winston.
Jess: Nah, he likes it.
Winston: Get away from me! Where are your parents at? Shoo, children, shoo!

Schmidt: You know, I just moved across the hall, but it feels like I moved across an entire ocean.
Outside Dave: People grow up, especially young people.
Schmidt: So my friends don't even miss me anymore?
Outside Dave: Uh-huh. Well, they don't miss you. They've moved on.
Schmidt: What? Well, how do you know that?
Outside Dave: Because he told me. [shows action figure] His name is Conner, and he went to SUNY Binghamton. I once lived with 40 birds, and they all flew away, and I moved on.