Gavin: Jess, I am so sorry. I had no idea you two were together. I thought you were his physical therapist.
Robby: Physical therapist?
Gavin: Aren't you a physical therapist or something?
Robby: You think she's a... Jess is a top-notch vice principal. [grunts]
Jess: Oh, Robby... Robby, no. Don't stand. Your-your knee.
Robby: I don't give a flying care about that. I stand up when I stand up for people.
Jess: I think you're getting roid rage.
Robby: No, I didn't take any steroids today, because the TSA took 'em this morning. Now, what you're seeing is pure, unfiltered Robby, straight from the tap.
Winston: [quietly] Get him, Robby.

Robby: You-you tried to make Jess the seventh woman you're dating, and you don't even know the first thing about her. I mean, did-did you know that when she was six she tried to eat a lightning bug so that her heart would glow like E.T.? Did you know that she tried to give herself Lyme disease out of solidarity to her fourth grade classmate? Or-or that she never lets any of her electronics go below 25%, just in case someone else needs to use them? I mean, did you know... did you know that she's terrified of the large bubbles in the bubble wrap but she loves the little tiny ones? It's so cute, man. It would be one thing if you actually had feelings for Jess... I'm... I'm... [wobbles]
Nick: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Robby: Thank you. But you don't. Y-you're just desperate and lonely and you're trying to use her, and I... [wobbles] Oh, it's happening again.
Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Robby: Thank you. You can't use Jess, because she is a dream girl. Here's the last thing I'll say before I leave. Jess, I know it's not me, but... [sighs] you deserve somebody who knows how special you are. Um, I'm going. I'm going.
Jess: Don't go, Robby.
Robby: I'm not going out. I'm-I'm going down!

Gavin: Son, I know you're probably tired of hearing both these statements and not likely to believe either, but... I'm leaving and I'm sorry.
Schmidt: Dad, I said... I said a lot of things earlier. I don't want you out of my life. I was waiting for you to be someone who you're not, but... I know who you are and I still love you. But you-you need to listen to me, son to father, get a therapist.
Gavin: Oh, I have a therapist.
Schmidt: A better one.
Gavin: Okay.
Schmidt: And I shouldn't have to say this but one that you're not sleeping with.
Gavin: ... Okay.

Jess: Oh, my God, Schmidt and Cece will be in a new home next year.
Schmidt: Next year it's at our place.
Jess: Happy last loft Thanksgiving, everyone. They weren't always perfect, but they were memorable.
All: Cheers. Hey.
Cece: Remember when you fell down that hole?
Nick: Oh, and Schmidt cooked the meal in our dead neighbor's kitchen.
Cece: [laughing] Ms. Beverly.
Winston: Remember when we had sex with strangers?
Jess: That's a misrepresentation of what happened.
Schmidt: Remember when your parents made it in the bathroom?
Jess: Or last Thanksgiving, when we all accidentally took peyote and, Winston, you wouldn't let us break the wishbone.
Winston: Break the bone, lose the wish.
Nick: That's not true!
Jess: That's not how it works.

Jess: Welcome to the ceremonial lighting of the first burner. Come on, Susan! There it is! [Cece gasps] Aah! Thanksgiving!
Winston: It is 7:00 A.M.
Jess: I've actually been up for two hours. Let's do this! Perfect Thanksgiving!

Schmidt: I guess my dad spending Thanksgiving with me for the first time ever is a non-event.
Winston: Ooh. Is he bringing his new squoosh?
Schmidt: Hmm?
Winston: Is that a thing people say?
Nick: Nuh-uh.
Schmidt: Well, his squoosh has a name, and it's Ann Kim. She's probably gonna want to spend some time with you ladies, too, because you know how fathers and sons can be on Thanksgiving. Drinking beer, watching the game, hugging each other in a way that suggests, "I forgive you for every... for everything."

Jess: I feel mean telling him we're not dating when he's in this state.
Cece: It is a lot meaner to lead him on, okay? You got to drop the hammer.
Jess: I know. You're right. I'll do it next time I see him. I'm just dreading it. He's such a good egg. I mean, with his dad khakis and his glasses and his... his... his sweet little change purse.

Jess: You know what? That's it. He's too nice. There's just no oomph.
Cece: Yeah. It's non-negotiable. You got to have the oomph.
Yeah, oomph was all Cece and I had when we started oomphing.
Nick: Oh, "oomph" is sex. Why say that stupid word? Just say "sex."
Winston: Oh, because it's more than that, Nick. It's fire. It's passion. It's ha-cha-cha-cha-cha cha-cha-cha-cha-cha.

Winston: Well, look, Jess, do what you got to, but I love that guy. Robby was there for me when I got hurt in the line of duty. [groaning]
Schmidt: Winston, you sprained your ankle running for a bagel.
Winston: Yeah. I was at work, though.
Schmidt: Running for a bagel.
Winston: Look, Robby's the only one who understands my pain.

Jess: Well, at least you had the fun of going to the airport on Thanksgiving.
Robby: And I get to hang out with you.
Jess: Yay! And boo! Because I already have plans with a 15-pound cutie. [laughs] I'm talking about the turkey. Listen, I'm gonna plant you in front of the parade, and you're gonna yell out what balloons go by!