Jess: Well... this is it. Since you won't be able to contact me for a month, I've left a complementary bowl of advice. For instance, um, "Nick, stop doing that." [chuckles] Just applies to everything.
Nick: That's what's up. That's what's up. E'r'day, e'r'day.
Winston: Nick, stop doing that.
Nick: That's what's up.
Winston: [sighs] It's gonna be a long month. I'm gonna pace myself.

Cece: "Stop harassing Beck."
Nick: Absolutely not.
Schmidt: He cut you off on the freeway.
Winston: That's for you?
Nick: Yeah.
Cece: Yeah, makes sense.

Cece: "Tell Schmidt not to sing 'Rent' in the shower. We're in a drought."
Schmidt: Five thousand, 2,500, 600 minutes
Cece: Okay.
Winston: Those aren't the words. "Stop reading this within the first three hours of my absence." Whoa.
Nick: Holy mackerel.
Cece: How did she know?
Winston: "Because I know everything."
Nick: That's super scary, right?
Cece: Is she still here?
Winston: [laughs] I'm just messing with you. It says "Smile more."

Jess: Hey. Are you hugging them while they're making out?
Nick: Yes, uh, that is weird. Thank you for saying that. Please let go of me. I'm not interested in this. Let go of me.

Cece: "Boys' shorts should at most rise six inches above the knee."
Winston: Yeah, but where does the knee begin?
Nick: Right... here.
Winston: You know, she never specifies where the knee should begin.
Cece: That's your knee, okay?
Winston: This is the knee?
Nick: Yes.
Cece: Yes.