Joan Day Quotes Page 2 of 2
Quote from The Curse of the Pirate Bride
Jess: God, Mom!
Nick: I wasn't touching it.
Joan Day: You shouldn't have slept together the night before your wedding. It is bad luck.
Nick: Oh.
Jess: Mom, that's just a stupid superstition.
Joan Day: Oh, it is so not. Your Uncle Elmer slept with your Aunt Jeanie the night before their wedding.
Jess: And they've been married 40 years.
Joan Day: But he's gay. You're playing with fire. This marriage could be cursed.
Nick: Well, if the curse means spending the rest of my life with the woman I love, then I say bring it on.
Joan Day: Oh, grow up.
Quote from The Curse of the Pirate Bride
Joan Day: Sweetheart, I know just want you need. How about you try to relax with a little of the cheeba from Aunt Reeba?
Jess: What?
Joan Day: [whispering] Marijuana.
Jess: It's my wedding day! Did you bring that on the plane?
Joan Day: Yes.
Jess: Mom!
Joan Day: Really, just take a small toke. It's not that strong. It's so weak, they call it Gun Control in America.
Quote from Sister
Jess: [answers phone] Hey, Mom.
Joan Day: Hi, baby, I'm sorry to interrupt. I know the morning is the most sensual time of day. But, um, I need you. It's your sister.
Jess: Abby? What is it?
Joan Day: She was arrested at a hotel in San Diego.
Nick: How's everything with your sister?
Joan Day: I mean, she was caught stealing, they called the cops, it's a mess.
Schmidt: [to Nick] Imagine me next door with a, with a nice Jewish girl.
Winston: Hey, Jess has a sister?
Nick: Yeah, I've never met her.
Joan Day: I need you to go to the jail, pick her up and put her on a plane home.
Jess: Oh, that's fabulous.
Joan Day: And by the way, um I don't know what kind of jail this is. So be prepared for anything. I mean, wear a shirt you don't love-love.
Jess: Okay.
Joan Day: Love you. Hi Nick.
Quote from Oregon
Joan Day: Who wants scramblies?
Jess: You know I do, Mom.
Joan Day: [voice breaking] Good. [crying]
Quote from Oregon
Nick: I'm not fine. I can't do this anymore. It's not all smiles and sunshine. It's not! Look, Ryan bailed and that's a dick move. And that's the truth.
Jess: [crying] I'm fine, I'm just gonna go to my room. [exits]
Joan Day: [crying] I made scones.
Cece: Was that sunshine or smiles? Hmm?
Quote from Oregon
Cece: So, Joan, how do you, uh, feel about Bob getting remarried?
Joan Day: Mm! Oh, I'm fine. I just feel bad for Ashley. I mean, let's just say he's a man with a healthy appetite, except one thing.
Winston: [coughing]
Cece: Well, that's a visual.
Joan Day: I don't really have a burning desire to stick around for the wedding, so I'm going on a trip with some friends. A trip I've never taken before.
Quote from Oregon
Nick: Joan, I need you to focus. I need you to help me find those rings.
Joan Day: [grunts] We have the rings.
Nick: They all... all of you...
Joan Day: We all have the rings. Everyone's got the ring. Come into the womb. Come into the womb.
Nick: I don't want to come in the womb.
Joan Day: Come into the womb.
Nick: I'm not a womb guy! I'm not a womb guy!
Quote from The Curse of the Pirate Bride
Jess: Mom, what if it is the curse? What if I cursed my future with Nick? What if it's all downhill from here?
Cece: It's not real, okay, do not let that get into your head.
Joan Day: Sweetheart, this wedding is a wash.
Jess: Oh, my God.
Joan Day: You'll get it right the next time.
Cece: Joan...
Joan Day: Cece.