‘Jess and Julia’
Season 1, Episode 11 - Aired January 31, 2012
Nick panics when Julia doesn't want to put a label on their relationship. Meanwhile, Jess is upset to learn Julia doesn't like her, Winston realizes he has no game, and Schmidt can't figure out why his towel is always wet.
Quote from Jess
Jess: Did Nick say some stuff to you? Because I'm really sorry, and I want to explain...
Julia: Why would you tell him that I said that? Do you know what that makes me look like?
Jess: Um...
Julia: I see what you're doing. I know that I'm the mean lawyer girl who wears suits and works too much and you... you're the really fun teacher girl with all the colorful skirts and you bake things. And eventually, Nick is going to come running to you and you'll tuck him in under his blankie and...
Jess: What is it with you and the blankie thing? I never said the word blankie. I don't talk like Teddy Ruxpin.
Julia: If I acted the way that you act when I was at work, nobody would listen to me.
Jess: Well, if I acted like you at work, my students would turn in really weird, dark dioramas, so...
Julia: I don't like you. And I don't want to be your friend, so...
Jess: Fine.
Quote from Winston
Winston: You moved.
Shelby: You remember my old place?
Winston: The place in the hood?
Shelby: No. It was hood-adjacent.
Winston: [chuckles] Whatever.
Quote from Nick
Julia: Your sheets are so soft.
Nick: They've actually been in my family for almost 40 years.
Julia: Wow!
Nick: If these old things could talk, huh?
Julia: Ew.
Nick: I was just trying to paint a picture.
Julia: Read the room.
Quote from Jess
Jess: Hey, Julia.
Julia: Hey.
Jess: It's so fun having another girl around here. There are tampons hidden all over the apartment.
Quote from Nick
Jess: Hey, Julia, I'll see you later tonight.
Julia: Yeah. See you later.
Jess: [to Nick] She's helping me get out of a traffic ticket.
Nick: Jess, are you seriously using the girl I'm sleeping with for free legal advice?
Jess: Oh, I'm sorry, the girl you're sleeping with? I mean, you can't call her your girlfriend?
Nick: We're not labeling it.
Quote from Winston
Jess: Oh, you're not labeling it, 'cause you're too sophisticated.
Nick: Don't do your "sophisticated guy."
Winston: That's now how a sophisticated man dances.
Jess: How does a sophisticated man dance?
Winston: [sings] I'm too sophisticated, I don't believe in labeling.
Schmidt: You gotta get laid, man.
Nick: You gotta get laid, man.
Winston: Yeah, I need to get laid.
Schmidt: This is bad. Get out of here.
Quote from Winston
Winston: You know, maybe I should call Shelby. I haven't seen her since I got back from Latvia. We did have an amazing time together.
[flashback to Winston in bed with a woman:]
Winston: Whoo! That was amazing.
Shelby: Yeah.
Winston: All right, bye. [gets up]
[present:]
Winston: I'm gonna call her.
Quote from Jess
Jess: Let me get you a blanket.
Julia: Why would I want a blanket right now?
Jess: Just to get toasty.
Julia: Oh.
Jess: Would you like a cookie, or a cupcake? I made them.
Julia: Oh, no. I'm okay. I'm not really a dessert person. I just don't eat it, usually.
Jess: Okay. Okay. I'm just gonna put this, like, right here. [places a cupcake and a napkin on Julia's lap]
Quote from Jess
Julia: Why don't you just take me through what happened with the ticket? Okay. They got a photo of you?
Jess: [sings] At the scene of the crime Meh, meh, meh, meh.
Quote from Nick
Julia: Nick, hey!
Julia: Hey, Julia! You want to hang out in your room?
Nick: Sure. Jess, if you'll excuse us, Julie's about to be very disappointed.