Schmidt: Nick Miller. Almost a lawyer.
Winston: [sings and plays piano] This is a sad song...
Nick: Oh. Mm.
Winston: This is the saddest song in the world
Schmidt: Yes, it is.
Nick: Mm. [sings] This is the saddest... [talks] You just keep singing, man.
Winston: Okay. [sings] This is a sad song Hey, hey Mm-hmm Saddest song in the world
Nick: Got a nice voice, man.
Cece: It is so weird being sober right now.

Nick: Can I get some weird rapping?
Schmidt: [raps] Nick Miller, Nick Miller From the streets of Chicago 'Cause players play like they do Like they did
Winston: Mm-hmm Sad song
Schmidt: 'Cause the ballers ball and the ... in the hood 'Cause he's Chi-town hustle
Winston: In the world
Nick: That's sounds great.
Schmidt: 'Cause the people love the ... of Chicago Represent him, 'cause the players Don't play and the players in the city
Nick: Nick Miller, Nick Miller's A stone-cold killer
Schmidt: Huh! Sing it, you know, you feel
Nick: Likes the taste of vanilla

Cece: [rapping] Nick Miller, Nick Miller He's the illest of the ill
Nick: Cece's rapping!
Cece: He pours 100 drinks And none have ever spilled
Winston: Plus he's super-high On a bunch of pain pills
Schmidt: His favorite movie is The Big Chill
Cece: He's got a hairy chest 'Cause he eats a balanced meal

Winston: Sad song Huh, huh
Schmidt: [raps] 'Cause the ice in my glass represents The tears from my eyes, I love you, dawg
Winston: This is a sad song
Schmidt: Nick Miller, Nick Miller, yo, streets of Chicago Rough and tumble, one love, you my heart

Jess: Nick, are you okay?
Nick: No, I'm not okay, Jess! I'm not okay! All right, I woke up today and I wanted to play a friendly game of touch football, then I hurt my back, and I went to your gynecologist, and now I might have cancer! So, no, Jess! I'm not okay!

Nick: I know that you're right. You're right, I have to start doing things. I can't just...you know. Jess... I like you a lot. I really do. I'm glad you're around. I'm not gonna remember any of this in the morning, am I?
Jess: Most certainly not.

Schmidt: Ah, fresh air. Back to the fume chamber.
Nick: Couldn't even sell it for metal.
Winston: Hope you didn't get sand in my car.
Schmidt: Yeah, that's this car's problem: too much sand. Oh, my God, there's soot coming in from the floor.

Nick: I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm fine. It's nothing. Yeah.
Jess: What was it? What did they say it was?
Nick: I don't know. I didn't hear anything after they said, "You don't have cancer." I blanked out. I think it's, like, a cyst or something. [Schmidt kisses Nick] Ugh. Stop Fredo-kissing me, Schmidt.

Nick: All right, so what do I owe you? Let's figure this out. I've got, uh...
Receptionist: It's already taken care of.
Nick: What do you mean it's already taken care of?
Jess: Oh, we split it.
Nick: All right, well, I'll pay you guys back. I just...
Winston: And can you please get a wallet?
Nick: I do have a wallet.
Winston: A wallet.
Schmidt: I have tons of wallet chains that you can borrow.

Schmidt: I don't think this is the right time to bring this up, you guys, but... does anyone else think Nick could stand to lose five to seven pounds?