Schmidt: Come here.
Nick: I want to say good-bye to you. But it's not true. So-so bad-bye, Reagan. Bad... bye.
Schmidt: Okay, that was terrible. Now, go write 20 more. Learn them, inhabit them, practice them, and then throw those away. Then write another 20 and submit them to me for my approval.
Nick: Can bad-bye be one of them?
Schmidt: No.
Nick: So 40 new ones.
Schmidt: Yeah.
Nick: That's too... that's excessive.

Jess: That's the most embarrassed I've ever been for anyone not doing improv.
Reagan: He's being so weird. I gotta get out of here for the day.
Jess: Well, how would you like to drive around Los Angeles and look for a juror? [sings to The Golden Girls theme] Thank you for being Reagan Travel to the car And find a juror Your heart is true, but you're not walking fast enough.

Reagan: I like that guy, really? Calls hand sanitizer "ham sanitizer."
Jess: He calls DNA "D and A."
Reagan: But he kisses you like a coal miner greeting his wife.
Jess: After a day in the caves. Did they go into caves?

Nick: I get Goosebumps Walka-- Okay, okay, just think-- okay. Oh, wait, Reagan, before you go! "Wherever the fridge of life takes you..." You came in, I liked you, then you left! What, what is that...?! Stop thinking... that this is good-bye. And start knowing it as... bye... bye. Pretend I didn't do the "byes."

Nick: So your flight leaves tomorrow, so...
Reagan: Yes, if we're ever gonna have sex, we gotta do it right now.
Nick: No, what-what I was actually gonna say is do you want to print your boarding pass at the airport and use their ink instead of ours, but I like that yours ended with sex.
Reagan: I said sex, but I meant meaningless sex.
Nick: Oh, I heard that. That's what I heard. I heard meaningless sex.
Reagan: I'm gonna be in my room.
Nick: Yeah, I'm right behind you. Time-wise. I'm not pitching positions.

Jess: Hi.
Reagan: Oh, my God!
Jess: I am so sorry. Nobody was here when I got home, and the bed just looked so good, I went full Goldilocks,
and you must be Reagan! It's so good to meet you.
Nick: [enters] I put on my special underwear, because...
Jess: Nick!
Nick: Jess is back! And I made a promise to myself when you left I'd be wearing these when you came back! And I'm doing it.
Jess: Oh, my God! Thank you!
Nick: I'm doing it. I'm doing it. All right, great, I'm gonna get out of here.
Jess: No, stay.
Nick: Nah! Nah!

Reagan: I-I feel like the moment has passed, don't you?
Nick: Yeah, I feel like it's so passed.
Reagan: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Nick: That's the thing about moments, though. They come and they go. They're fleeting. [clicks fingers] That's a moment. This is a moment. Which makes me believe that although that one passed, maybe it...

Jess: Jury duty was quite simply the tops. Did I have a knack for it? I suppose. Was I elected foreman? Unanimously. Am I going on the news tomorrow to explain the verdict to laymen non-jurors? [chuckles] You know I am.
Nick: [chuckles] Nice!
Jess: And yet, I nearly threw it all away for love. His name was Juror 237B, and we made the courthouse our hothouse.
[flashback:]
Coroner Thricegood: Blood splatters, mucous seeps.
Jess: [v.o.] But nothing could happen between us, because, as every American knows, personal contact through the exchange of personal information between members of a sequestered jury is strictly forbidden. But I promised myself, once the trial had ended, I would find him.
[present:]
Jess: Extra! Extra! "I'm gonna find that juror," vows Jessica Day! Page two: It's war in the Pacific!
Winston: What?!

Nick: Schmidt! I need your help. This is Reagan's last day.
Schmidt: I know it is, and you know what? Whatever embarrassments or failures the rest of your life may hold, no one can ever take away what you've accomplished this week. A goddess walked among us, and you went to first base with her.
Nick: Several times. And I actually did a really good job kissing her. But now I'm making it weird.

Reagan: So, what is your plan for finding this guy?
Jess: I'm typing words I know about him into a computer. [typing] Handsome plus Los Angeles plus 237B... [sighs] ...is a dead end.
Reagan: Not if you're looking for Japanese adult film star, Handsome Los Angeles.
Jess: Born in February of 1937? Handsome, tell me your secrets.
Reagan: Looks like you are figuring that out. So I'm gonna go anywhere else.