Schmidt: We should probably just give them their privacy.
Cece: Yeah, you're right, you're right.
Schmidt: Holy hell. He's doing it.
Cece: Oh, my God, oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Schmidt: He's on one knee, here we go.
Cece: It's happening.
Schmidt: Game time. It's a shoelace. False alarm.
Cece: Okay, now here it is. Here it is. It's happening. That is a ring.
Schmidt: I don't think that's a ring. Is he giving her a gummy vitamin?
Cece: [gasps] Okay, this is it, this is it.
Schmidt: And the other shoe? That's why I double knot his laces.

Winston: Hey, look, don't worry. For the next 20 weeks, I've only got you helping out with odd-numbered phases, okay? And there will be sub-phases, obviously.
Schmidt: I ain't doing no sub-phases.
Winston: Think of them as annoyingly elaborate smaller phases.
Cece: He's really pushing his limits right now.
Winston: Thank you so much for your help. One phase down. Boop.
Cece: Don't boop him.

Winston: Hey, Jess, can I borrow your cactus gloves? Ooh! Making books, huh? [sings] Butterfly in the sky
Jess: [sings] I can fly twice as high
Winston: Take a look
Jess: It's in a book.
Winston: [talks] Ah, you know the rest.

Nick: Sorry about that. Uh, that was some weird stuff. "The sun baked down on Pepperwood's back as he moved over to the St. Charles streetcar. The driver handed him a brown paper sack. Without opening it, Pepperwood knew what was inside: blood-soaked beignets."
Girl: He is so dreamy.
Jess: Oh, your life's gonna be so hard.

Winston: I just passed Nick on the street running, on purpose! Oh, my God!
Reagan: Maybe I was wrong.
Winston: [out the window] Nick! Are you okay?! I see you! And I love you!
Reagan: In my defense, no one here emotes in a normal way.
Schmidt: That's fair.
Winston: Nick!

Winston: How's the boba?
Schmidt: It's fine. Why are you making so much eye contact with us?
Cece: Oh, you're gonna ask us for something, aren't you?
Winston: This boba is a metaphor. Aly is the tapioca pearl to my milky matcha, each made better by the unlikely presence of the other. I think you know what I'm saying...
Cece: We have absolutely no idea.
Schmidt: I haven't known what you've been saying for three and a half years.
Winston: I'm asking Aly to marry me.

Jess: You feeling upset about something?
Nick: No. I'm just eating edamame. [Jess picks up a cup and walks over to Nick as he chews] Give me the cup. [spits] They taste so bad.
Jess: That's what I thought.

Jess: Nick, she's your girlfriend. You have to let her in. Don't just keep her in the perfect front room. Okay. Let her in the back, with the weird rooms and the-the dead bulbs and the wet walls.
Nick: All right, but I'm not letting her go anywhere near my crawl space.
Jess: I don't think you should let anyone near your crawl space.
Nick: Well, some people have to go to the crawl space to clean out the boxes.
Jess: Who cleans out the boxes?
Nick: Significant other. What are you talking about?

Jess: Hey. I have the scoop. Nick's book got rejected, and he's really embarrassed. So now the baton... Has been passed... ...to you.
Reagan: You own an actual baton?
Jess: It was Robby's. He was really into competitive male twirling.
Reagan: I have so many questions...
Jess: No.

Winston: First, thank you for coming to this very special event. Might I just add that everyone looks fresh. Now, when Aly gets here, I am going to suggest an activity for the four of us to do. Then I'll gracefully back out,
leaving the two of you to distract her as I prepare for... the show. [Cece giggles]
Schmidt: Ooh, I got a scream and nowhere to put it. Ooh, this is exciting.
Winston: Now, at an undisclosed time, I will place a call to Aly, informing her that my car has broken down in Malibu, where I'll be waiting with a beautiful and glorious picnic right next to her favorite plant... the common cactus.