‘Fluffer’
Season 2, Episode 3 - Aired October 2, 2012
Winston argues that Nick is acting like Jess's "fluffer", handling the emotional aspects of a relationship while she has casual sex with Sam. Meanwhile, Schmidt pretends to be a Romney.
Quote from Jess
Jess: Question: Under what circumstances would you build a dresser for a woman?
Sam: And this is, like... and I'm not interested in sleeping with her? Um... Am I being blackmailed?
Jess: No.
Sam: Is it like a... it's like a Make-A-Wish Foundation type thing?
Jess: No.
Sam: I mean... Yeah. Marriage. You know, anything besides marriage is a... you know, an abuse.
Jess: An abuse?
Sam: Yeah, you can't do that to a friend. Unless your friend's a chump. Or a certified carpenter... that would work. Wait a minute. This isn't a sex thing, is it? Because I... you know, I can't pleasure a woman and build a dresser at the same time, you know? I'm not God.
Quote from Schmidt
Cece: Hey. I got your text. When you're going through a Taylor Swift-like range of emotions, I should come over, right?
Schmidt: You were the only one that I could talk to. Being brown, you have the wisdom of 1,000 white women.
Quote from Winston
Schmidt: Are you serious right now?
Winston: Well, I... He-he said it was okay.
Schmidt: She is off limits. Go call your girlfriend. You obviously have things you need to work out.
Winston: Fine. Fine. But for the record, it was loving and tender and you squeezed my hand at the end.
Schmidt: Get out of here! Deviant.
Quote from Nick
Jess: Okay, but... I didn't know what I was doing to you. I've always had relationships in different boxes. Friends in one box, boyfriends in another. But now... it's messy, and... I don't want to screw up what I have with you. You're too important to me.
Nick: It's different with us. We're just two people who want to be friends, but are sometimes attracted to each other.
Jess: Ha!
Nick: No, no...
Jess: You have thought about the reward.
Nick: That's not what I said.
Jess: My calculations were correct.
Nick: I love deep lunges. Just don't make a big deal of it. I just don't need a bunch of people telling me what we can and can't do together. That pisses me off. If I want to build you a dresser, I'm gonna build you a damn dresser. But if you want to have dates before sex, just do me a favor and have them with the guy you're having sex with.
Quote from Nick
Nick: All right. I got to give you something now. Something... really close to my heart. That's Nick's Sexy Mix. AKA the original fluffer.
Jess: "The Humpty Dance" does it for you, Nick?
Nick: Do your thing, girl. Get crazy.