Nick: At least she can't get into the building. Okay, what am I gonna do here? She cut off the power.
Berkley: No, Nick, that was you. You turned off the light. All the other lights are still on.
Nick: My bad. Thank you.

Coach: I'll be with you in just one second, all right?
Leslie: Mm-hmm.
Coach: And don't drink the water by the bed. It's got my contacts in it.
Leslie: Okay. [Coach laughs]

Schmidt: Oh! Winston! What are you doing?!
Winston: Oh, we were just playing a game. You know, Bad Cop, Black Cop?
Bertie: It's me, Bertie!

Berkley: [to Jess] I'm sorry. You don't love me?
Nick: Say it again?
Berkley: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Jess: Oh. What?!
be:Then why have you led me on for ten years?
Jess: Oh, hell on Earth no!
Nick: Oh, my God, I was right. He wants to bone you.
Jess: Oh, come on, Nick!
Nick: [pounding on door continues] Caroline, I'll be right there. I'm so sorry, Berkley. You got cut off.
Berkley: Thank you, sir.

Nick: Hey, Jess, you okay?
Jess: [voice breaking] No. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. [sobs] I've led a very fortunate life.
Nick: Look, Jess, you were right.
Jess: No, you were right. I feel like such a fool. You were right about everything.
Nick: No, I wasn't. Caroline deserves to know why I left. And you should hear, too.

Leslie: Is this some little nasty group sex games y'all got going on up in here?
Bertie: Been a couple years, but I'm down.
Coach: I didn't want to know that.
Sarah: I am out of here.
Leslie: I'm way ahead of you.
Coach: No, no, please!
Schmidt: Sarah, please, wait! I can... Ugh. Just...
Bertie: [clears throat] Well, I'm gonna go back to bed. Schmidt, that mattress is heaven. [slaps Winston's ass]

Nick: Hey, Caroline, there's something I need to say.
Jess: Nick, you don't have to do this.
Nick: No, I do. Look, I never cheated on you, but I might as well have. See, I fell in love with Jess the moment she walked through the door.
Berkley: Boo!
Nick: Really?
Berkley: Sorry.
Jess: The moment I walked through the door? Really? 'Cause I thought I annoyed you.

Nick: Caroline, she's the reason that I left.
Caroline: I always thought that it was Jess. I'm glad I'm not crazy.
Nick: Well...
Jess: Hmm.
Caroline: Thanks for telling me the truth.
Nick: Oh, I'm just sorry it didn't happen sooner.
Caroline: Don't touch me.
Nick: I'm so sorry.
Caroline: I was kidding.
Nick: Now, there's that famous Milwaukee humor.
Caroline: I'm not from Milwaukee.
Nick: You honestly scare me.

Jess: Look, Berkley, um, I'm so sorry that you got the wrong idea about us. You were right. I did play some part in it.
Berkley: Thank you. Good luck, Jessica.
Jess: Thanks.
Nick: See you later, bud.
Berkley: I really don't want to go back to my wife. Do you guys want to play cards or something?
Jess: Go. Just go.
Nick: Get out of here.

Jess: The moment I walked through that door, huh?
Nick: Just be cool about it.
Jess: 'Cause for me, it was way later.
Nick: Yeah, I know.
Jess: Like, a lot later.
Nick: Oh, come here already.