Coach: [on the phone] I can help you end this. Do you know why? Do you know why? I'm waiting.
Schmidt: Oh, my God, is it because you have sisters?
Coach: It's because I have sisters! And you know what that means?
Schmidt: And that you know more about women than me.
Coach: I know more about women than you!
Schmidt: And that I'm a little dumb-dumb.
Coach: And I'm a big smart-smart. Yeah. Now, here's what you're gonna do. Get big like a bear. If that doesn't work, pee a circle around yourself and light it on fire.
Schmidt: I peed before I came. I had a root beer with lunch.
Coach: I'm on my way. Hey, uh, did you bring a gift? 'Cause I don't want to be that guy. You know, the guy that doesn't bring a gift?
Schmidt: Just get over here.
Coach: All right, I'm coming.
Winston: [bubble-wrapped to a chair] What? Coach! Coach, I can't turn the pages! How am I gonna study if I can't turn the pages?