Schmidt: This is real. This is not a dream. Look, I've kept off the weight. You knew me when action sandals were my necessary footwear.
Elizabeth: What do you want?
Schmidt: Why do you think I want something?
Elizabeth: Because I dated you for four years. I know when you want something. What do you want?
Schmidt: I would like to take you to a wedding, because I miss you so much...
Elizabeth: No, I can't take you seriously when you're wearing such tight pants. Get to the point.
Schmidt: Okay, look, my model ex-girlfriend is getting married to some small little Indian man who I just don't understand. Okay, and I want you to pretend to be my girlfriend so she gets very sad, and then, breaks off the wedding, and then, runs away with me.
Elizabeth: No. Not a chance.