[flashback:]
Younger Nick: Is this the first time you'll be making... full love?
Younger Schmidt: No way, Jose. Look, Nick... back in high school, they used to call me... the sex... the sex Hammer.
Younger Nick: That's a great nickname.
Younger Schmidt: But, you know, now that we're sitting here talking, would you mind having a discussion, uh, openly about the subject of intercourse?
Younger Nick: Shoot.
Younger Schmidt: Cool. Hey, does it hurt for the guys?
Younger Nick: Not one bit.
Younger Schmidt: If I pee while it's happening, will she die? [Nick is silent] How many minutes before sex is it... is it okay to eat?
Younger Nick: I don't think it's an exact science. I think it depends on your frame.
Younger Schmidt: So, I should eat right before.
Younger Nick: In terms of lubricant, do I put a small amount everywhere or do I use a large amount in a small... in a smaller area?
Younger Nick: [groans] You're harshing my vibe, Schmidt.
Younger Schmidt: You're the coolest, Nick.