Older Nick: Can I tell you something?
Nick: Uh, not really.
Older Nick: I'm you from the future.
Nick: Well, that's a first.
Older Nick: Nick, I traveled from the future to find you. I'm a time traveler.
Nick: Does everybody tip badly in the future, or is it just you?
Older Nick: You don't believe I'm you, do you?
Nick: Absolutely not.
Older Nick: Well, I know you didn't shower this morning.
Nick: Well, good guess. It's a Wednesday.
Older Nick: I know a girl broke your heart and you gave up on love. I know sometimes you get mad and you don't know why. I know you're a bartender because you like three feet of bar between you and everyone you meet.
Nick: Well, I mean...
Older Nick: Chew on that, you clown.
Nick: Wait. Hey, don't-don't say all that weird stuff and then just leave! You were wrong about the bar! But everything else was right.