Nick: [on TV] Look at how far you've come, Nick. Want to be a bartender forever, pal?
Nick: I'm still a bartender.
Nick: [on TV] You want to be a grown man who dresses like an unsponsored professional skateboarder? You don't want to live like this. You're moving on. I'm here to tell you you're doing the right thing, so just keep going.
Nick: Can I talk to you Nick-to-Nick for a second? I respect you, man. You're rocking the hell out of that beard, and the long hair looks good, despite what other people are gonna say. Look, the Caroline that broke your heart, I get why you don't like her. But it's a different Caroline that's picking me up in five minutes, Nick. Do you want me to live alone in this loft for the rest of my life?
Nick: [on TV] Hey, what's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
Nick: Well, thanks, guys. You helped me figure something out.
Nick: [on TV] All right, well, look, I think this was a really nice talk, Future Nick. I hope you got something from it, 'cause I know that I did. [crying] I'm gonna call her. I have to call..
Schmidt: [on TV] No! Damn it, give me the phone.