Jess: Schmidt! Schmidt! I need you to help me take these off so I can go find Nick!
Brooke: God, are you friends with that girl?
Jess: Schmidt?!
Schmidt: Look, I didn't want to have to tell you this but, she was a mistake I made when I hit rock bottom. It's like I was her Sid and she was my Nancy and then I got sober and she couldn't deal with it and the poor thing just went... She went crazy.
Jess: Schmidt, I need you to help me slap my thighs around!
Schmidt: I don't want to scare you, but she can be very dangerous when she drinks. Okay, I shouldn't even be in the same room as her, it's just, it feels so good talking to you.
Brooke: Maybe we should get you out of here.
Schmidt: What a great idea. Yes.
Brooke: I just have to go to the bathroom really quickly.
Schmidt: Whatever you need. Whatever... Yeah, of course.