Nick: I don't want you talking at my funeral!
Jess: Okay.
Nick: You can go to my funeral, but you can't talk. My funeral is my time to shine. I want the girls to think, "I wish I brought Nick Miller to orgasm." And I want the guys to think, "I wish I bought him more stuff." And I don't want Daffy Duck voices and feeling sticks. You don't... you don't know how to be real. I can't have you trying to cheer people up.
Jess: I know how to be real.
Nick: Question: Am I wearing a hat?