Daisy: C-. You kiss like a damn bitch.
Winston: Oh, you're messing with me. Okay.
Daisy: Little bit.

Jess: Nick, I'm gonna admit it. I might be your cooler. I chalk it up to bad timing.
Nick: Well, thank you for admitting that.
Jess: But to be fair, you are your own cooler 70% of the time. Some basic grooming, Nick, and you'd be smoking hot.
Nick: I'd be smoking hot?
Jess: You'd be smoking hot.
Nick: You do want to kiss me, then.
Jess: All bets are off if you take a shower.
Nick: That is very nice of you.

Jess: Kiss me!
Nick: Jess, stop!
Jess: God! Miller, just kiss me already!
Nick: No, not like this! That, that...
Jess: What? What does that mean?
Nick: No, I didn't... Nothing. I just, I didn't mean it like that. I just, we can't like that because that's not... Do you know, like...? It's very, like, you don't... That's not what it...

Holly: Hey, Nick, if you ever feel the urge to jump again, you call me.
Nick: Thank you.
Schmidt: I am genuinely afraid of her.

Sam: [chuckling] That was freakin' hilarious! I mean, Jess, he jumped out on a ledge instead of kissing you. Can you believe that?
Nick: I'm an idiot.
Sam: Well, he's missing out. You want to go to bed?

Schmidt: Holly, Holly, look at these ... these are my abs. Hard to believe that I used to be a great big fat person.
Holly: Oh, fat makes me so sad.
Schmidt: Yeah, it makes me sad, too.
Nick: I'm chubby... I'm a fat guy.
Schmidt: You look great, man.
Nick: I'm a fat boy.
Schmidt: Feel where the fat used to be?
Holly: Yeah.
Schmidt: Yeah, it's been replaced with phantom fat. I still feel it jiggle.