Christmas Quotes Page 2 of 3
Enjoy holiday quotes from Christmas episodes of New Girl.
Jess: Officer, I understand how this looks and smells, but I assure you, I would not ever get behind the wheel of a vehicle if I had had even a drop to drink. This has just been the most crazy night. And I'm not going to cry because I believe in traffic violations and paying your debt to society, but you have to believe...
Cop: I believe you.
Jess: You do? Why?
Schmidt: Jess, be cool.
Cop: Sometimes people tell the truth. You drive safely, and happy holidays.
Jess: Was that...?
Winston: Santa.
Nick: Black Santa.
Cece: Hey. I know... I know you're trying to avoid me, but just take this gift I got you and I will walk away.
Schmidt: I don't celebrate Christmas, okay? Or as I like to call it, White Anglo-Saxon Winter Privilege Night.
Winston: Well, whether or not Santa's real, it's just nice to have something to believe in.
Jess: Did you just say "Whether or not Santa's real"?
Nick: You don't believe in Santa Claus, do you?
Winston: No. Do I wish Santa was real? I mean, yeah.
Nick: Santa's not real, Winston.
Winston: Shut up, stupid! You're a dummy! So... and... I don't even c... Like, you're the... Okay, aw, here we go. You know what, look who's talking. You're the same guy who only eats mayonnaise on game days.
Jess: I just believe things and go on believing them. If someone tells me a fat man's bringing me dolls every year, I just don't question it.
Quote from Schmidt in The 23rd
Kim: What are you doing, Santa?
Schmidt: I have a really bad case of Santa lap. The entire marketing department is wearing wool. It's not good down there.
Kim: Well, get back to work soon.
Quote from Schmidt in The 23rd
Schmidt: I hate Christmas. First of all, it means that Hanukkah is over. Second of all, I hate it when you guys leave and go home. When are you leaving?
Winston: Tomorrow at 3:00 p.m.
Nick: I think 4:00 a.m. Is that it? Schmidt, don't worry about it, man, we're all gonna hang out tonight at your office party. Please tell me you're not dressing up like Santa this year, are you?
Schmidt: I'm the only man in the office. Of course I'm gonna dress up like Santa. Look, I like it. I get all this dirt on my coworkers. They get drunk and they whisper what they want for Christmas in my ear, and then I use that information to subtly undermine them and control them for the rest of the year.
Winston: Ah, the true spirit of Christmas.
Schmidt: Winston, you'd better watch it, man, because I will take you down.
Winston: You want to go? You want to go?
Schmidt: You're gonna take me down? I had figure skating lessons until I was 13, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy. Let's do this.
Schmidt: I am so sick of hanging out with Christians. This is my last Christian Christmas.
Elf: [sings] Gingy, who did you harm? Gingy, who ate your arm?
Gingerbread Man: It was... Santa! [thunder rumbles]
Elf: No!
Ryan: This is pretty dark.
Elf: We will rescue you, Gingy!
Jess: [to Ryan] Wait till they get to the North Pole to avenge his death and take it way too far.
Elf: [sings] Santa's been a bad boy, and that's not right The white-bearded devil's gonna die tonight! [screaming]
Jess: But I'm proud of that. They worked really hard on it.
Nick: You know, maybe I found out too early. I was five years old when "Santa" gave me my own fire truck and a teddy bear that smelled like my dad's cigarettes. [chuckles] That's not Santa.
Quote from Nick in Christmas Eve Eve
Winston: So it's official. Christmas is canceled.
Jess: No, Christmas is not canceled. Christmas gifts are how you show the people you love that you care in a very special, magical and highly mandatory way.
Nick: You want me to shop until I drop, and I don't want to drop.