Nick: What are you doing?
Jess: Ball's in my court now, pal. I'm turning off my tap until you become a Pistons fan.
Nick: Hey, that wasn't part of the deal.
Jess: It is now.

Coach: What time is it?! Game time!
Jess: Yeah!
Coach: Yeah!
Jess: It's my favorite time. Other than... medieval time.
Coach: [chuckles] All right.

Jess: Oh, my God, a mouse Rat or s... Uh, some creature.
Coach: I got to go watch it in my room.
Jess: Wait, no, no, no. Coach, Coach, Coach. Look, since we can't watch the game, why don't we just... Have a nice, long chat over coffee?
Coach: What?
Jess: You know, just talk, hang out.
Coach: What?
Jess: And then coffee turns to dinner, and dinner turns to weekly dinner, and before you know it, I'm best man at your beach wedding.
Coach: Do we have to? We don't... Okay.

Jess: You start.
Coach: Me? Hey, you want to do this over food?
Jess: Yes! Yes!
[cut to Coach and Jess at a wings restaurant showing the game:]
Coach: No! No, no, no, no! No! Come on! Get your head out of your ass, so you can see where you're going, damn it!

Jess: I have to say it. Coach, I I don't like basketball.
Coach: What?
Jess: There's, like, no fun parts. There's no themes. Men should not be wearing tank tops, ever.
Coach: Why were you pretending to like basketball?
Jess: 'Cause I wanted to be friends with you.
Coach: Dude, you're my buddy's girlfriend. We're watching the game. What's the problem, dude? What else do you want?
Jess: No, you're right. I'm just, um... I'm just Nick's girlfriend, so... Enjoy the game. Okay.

Nick: Jess! You win! I'm all backed up! I've even been fantasizing about Winston! Where is she, dude?
Coach: [laughing]
Nick: Don't do that laugh.
Coach: What are you wearing, dude?
Nick: It's for sex.
Coach: You like the Pistons.
Nick: Why don't you shut up, Coach?