Sergeant Dorado: Duquan Feldman? I'm gonna make a note to call the Boys & Girls Club.
Coach: No!
Sergeant Dorado: Why not?
Coach: Uh, because he's coming here.
Schmidt: Why would... why would Duquan come-come here?
Coach: Because he comes here every Saturday.
Nick: He does?
Sergeant Dorado: Then where is he?
Coach: Huh?
Sergeant Dorado: It's Saturday. Where is he?
Coach: He's at the bus station. He's waiting for, uh, one of us to get him, and, uh... You know what? I'll go do it. You guys stay put.
Cece: You're gonna go and get Duquan?
Coach: I think so. Yeah. You guys, anybody want to... come... with? No? [closes the door] Where are you, Duquan?

Cece: What are you doing? Jessica. No, Jessica! What are you doing? You do not put drugs down the shower drain. Have you never seen a drug movie before?
Jess: I don't know. I saw Ray.
Cece: That does not count.

Coach: Oh. Hey! [honks horn] Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! Yo! What's up? You in the shorts. Hey, come here, man. Come here. I need a little boy. [chuckles] Whoa. No. That's not what I meant. No, no, no. I didn't mean... You know what I'm... Ah. I wasn't trying to... It's for my friend, you know? I need you to come over to, uh, hang out with my friends. No, not like that. I just need you to pretend like, uh, you're in a relationship with this grown man that I know. Ah! Ah! Uh, I did not think this through. Did not think this through. Um, bad decision. Very bad decision. I'm gonna go now. Don't remember my face. Forget this face. This didn't happen.

Winston: Jess, do you know how much time we could get for possessing this much meth? Why'd you hide it from me?
Jess: I was trying to protect you. I should've been the first person you told!
Winston: I could've taken care of it, or something. Now it just looks like we're hiding it.
Jess: I just... I didn't... I didn't think there was anything you could do.
Winston: And-and why is that?
Jess: Because... I don't know!
Winston: Because you don't see me as a cop. None of you do.
Jess: I didn't... I didn't think you'd make it this far. We always thought you'd change your mind. I mean... you say a prayer every time you get on a escalator.
Winston: Why risk it?

Sergeant Dorado: Here's the way this is gonna go down. I'm gonna go in the bathroom, have a look around. You will stay here. You will not move, you will not talk, you will not think unless they're thoughts about not moving.
Jess: Winston, I'm so sorry. I ruined everything. You would have been such a good cop. You would have made someone really lucky to have you as a partner.
Winston: I always imagined I'd have a partner named Robertson.
Jess: That would have been perfect.
Winston: Yeah.
Jess: "Robertson, you're on the edge! You've gone too far!"
Winston: No, no, no. See, the thing about me and Robertson is that we're tight. You know, then I went ahead and slept with his wife.
Jess: Why would you do that?
Winston: I don't know why... I don't know why I would do that. The job really gets to you. You know, it's stressful out there.

Sergeant Dorado: I'm asking a simple question, unless you don't think he would be an asset to the LAPD.
Coach: No, he-he would. He definitely would. Yeah, he would. You know, Winston has done plenty for, uh, the, um... community. He has a little brother at the Boys & Girls Club.
Schmidt: Of course. All the work that Winston does with the Boys & Girls Club that he actually does in real life.
Coach: So much work at the Boys & Girls Club.
Schmidt: So passionate.
Coach: Yeah. What was his little brother's name again?
Nick: Duke.
Schmidt: Juan.
Coach: Duquan is his name.
Sergeant Dorado: Duquan.
Coach: Duquan.

Winston: It's a home visit, Jess. And not just from any cop. It's from Sergeant Tess Dorado. The Fish. I'm pretty sure they call her The Fish because she's tough but fair, just like most fish I've interacted with.
Schmidt: Winston, "dorado" is a fish. It's a subset of mahi-mahi and it pairs very nicely with citrus, you oaf.
Winston: I'm not a oaf, you're a oaf, stupid. [snorts] So... You're dumb. Shut up.
Schmidt: Also, put on some underpants, please. It's like a bounce house down there.

Winston: This is my life. If I don't pass the background check, then I fail out of the police academy.
Jess: Guys, this is an all-hands-on-deck situation. If we don't help him, Winston will never become a cop. Remember? He-He handcuffed his cat's paw to a radiator and then lost the key.
Winston: In my defense, I was making a Christmas card, so...

Winston: Schmidt, that is exactly the kind of talk we can't have today when the LAPD comes here.
Jess: Um... the, uh, cops are coming here?
Winston: Yes.
Jess: Like, here, here?
Winston: Yes.
Jess: Like, to our home, w-where we keep our stuff? Why can't we just go there? We'll just go there, a-answer some questions, get an ice coffee on the way back. I really feel like ice coffee.

Jess: Do you guys think that the cops are gonna go through our stuff?
Nick: What are you afraid of? They'll look through your dream journal?
Jess: No, I just...
Schmidt: What, are you running a sweatshop back there for skirts that look like curtains?
Jess: Actually...
Coach: What'd you-What'd you, steal a kiss and hide it in an envelope? [all laugh]
Jess: I have a bag of meth in my closet.