‘All In’
Season 3, Episode 1 - Aired September 17, 2013
Jess and Nick head to Mexico to start their relationship away from the loft. Meanwhile, Schmidt must decide between Cece and Elizabeth, and Winston starts a puzzle.
Quote from Nick
Nick: You and me, we work here. If we go back to the loft, we're not gonna make it.
Jess: Yes, we are. We are gonna make it.
Winston: You won't. Yeah, I agree.
Schmidt: You will not. He's 100% right.
Nick: I'm not ready to lose you. I just got you, Jess. And I'm not letting you go. So I'm all in. I'm shredding this passport. I'm not leaving Mexico.
Quote from Jess
Jess: Stop. Listen to me. We're a family. You can't choose who you love. Sometimes they choose you. And sometimes, it's just because you got a really great deal on Craigslist. I got a really great deal on Craigslist. I got all of you. There is no "us" without Schmidt and Winston. It's gonna be really, really hard. But so what, Nick? So what? I believe in us. I'm all in. I really want to go home.
Quote from Winston
Schmidt: The shredder shredded it, bro.
Winston: No, no, no, no, guys, we're fine. I can work with this.
Quote from Nick
Nick: Here we go, huh? It's locked. I think somebody accidentally locked this.
Jess: Where's your key?
Nick: I don't carry a key.
Jess: You don't carry a key?
Nick: No, I don't carry a- Why would I carry a key? There's always somebody home! And I know how to jimmy the... [Jess kisses him]
Nick: Mmm, my God I like you so much.
Jess: I like you, too.
Nick: And I'll start carrying a key.
Jess: Okay, I'll carry a key for you.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: For the love of God, Winston, please just go unlock the door.
Winston: This is so weird.
Schmidt: Sayonara, masturbation, for the rest of my life.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: [on the phone] Hey, Cece, it's Schmidt. Hi. You want me to come over tonight? I think I can make that work. Uh, can you give me, like, five minutes? Great. Um ooh, actually, could you hold on one second? [switches line] Hi, Elizabeth, my darling. How are you? Uh, tonight? You want to tonight. Um, could you just give me one second so I can check my calendar? That'd be great. [pounds the bed] I just checked it, and, uh it looks like there's a slight problem.
Quote from Winston
Winston: [sings] Puzzling I am puzzling Looks good to me. This is my masterpiece.
Quote from Jess
Jess: Hey, stop it! Stop it! This is not the time for fighting. Nick is in a Mexican jail. We don't know this country. We don't know their laws. We don't know how to get him out. I just hope he found somebody who can protect him and take care of him.
Winston: What, you hope he's somebody's bitch?
Jess: No, like a mentor.
Schmidt: He'd never be picked as a bitch.
Winston: Nick is very attractive. He can be a bitch.
Schmidt: A sissy, perhaps, but a bitch?
Winston: He can be a bitch.
Schmidt: He cannot be a bitch.
Jess: My God, what's a sissy?
Schmidt: Are you insane? A chubby gringo?
Jess: Stop it! Nick is my bitch.