New Girl Quotes
- Season 1
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- Season 3
- Season 4
- Season 5
- Season 6
- Season 7
A quirky teacher, Jess, moves in to a loft with three guys after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend.
Starring: Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, Damon Wayans, Jr., Hannah Simone, Lamorne Morris.
Original Run: 2011-2018.
Quote of the Day
Friday, March 5, 2021
Cece: I wish I could just travel back in time and tell 19-year-old me to move into a place like this. Maybe I would've settled down. Met a, you know, nice guy. Nothing flashy. Works in a bank, makes a great veggie lasagna.
Jess: Okay, not now, Cece.
Broker: No, don't stop her. Who is this guy? [laughs]
Cece: Right? [sighs]
Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Nick: I'm using magnetic words to break through my writer's block, and it's not working. I've already folded all my shirts and masturbated six times, and I'm running out of things to do. I'm just in a real bind. You see, The Pepperwood Chronicles sold over 30 copies, Jess.
Jess: So, what, we're complaining about good things now?
Nick: It's just, my audience is gonna be clamoring for a sequel, and I can't leave those stevedores, those-those tugboat workers, those lighthouse keepers empty-handed.
Jess: You think that your audience is entirely made of, like...
Nick: Blue-collar nautical workers on the coastline of Maine. I don't think that, Jess, I know that.
Nick: Hey, where are you guys getting your photos developed these days? I got these beefcake selfies that I want to dangle in front of Jess, get her engine revved up.
Schmidt: Your phone has a camera, Nick.
Nick: These are sexy, sensual, private pics. I don't want them beamed right into Snowden's pocket. I'm not going through Wikileaks, man. It's not for me. Analog. It's the only thing you can trust.
Winston: You care to elaborate, you know, on this whole analog thing?
Nick: No, here's the reality, you never know what's gonna happen with a phone.
Nick: The hinges that hold the flip together, they get loosened over time when... when they get wet. And then once you open it, it's easier for people to go in there and see your passwords and, you know, see your codes. Once the screen breaks, your information's in the Twitterverse, man. And it's all out there for everyone to see, all these little monkey elves, man, all these kids. That's all they do. [sputters] Get your information, man. Bottom line is you can't control your technology. That's what's going on in Japan with all those robots. Not for me, man. That's why I trust a hard copy. Plain and simple.
Nick: You want to know what I think, 'cause you're not going to like it.
Nick: I don't think this is about breaking rules. I think Ryan scares you. You like him, and you're going to have to put yourself out there again, and that scares you. But look, life moves really fast. And if you don't stop and
look around once in a while, you just might miss it.
Jess: Is that from Ferris Bueller?
Nick: Yes, it is.
Nick: It's a terrific movie.
Jess: All right.
Nick: And I delivered it perfectly.
Jess: It was pretty good.
Winston: Oh... new partner's here. Guys, as they say, when one chapter ends, a bridge appears, and then you cross that bridge and make lemonade out of a molehill.
Nick: You just have a bunch of boxes? I would change that. Oh, you have a bunch of metal toothpicks.
Jess: They're bobby pins.
Nick: What's a bobby pin?
Jess: It keeps your hair back.
Nick: You need Bobby's pins to put your hair up?
Jess: It's bobby pins, not Bobby's pins.