New Girl Quotes

New Girl

New Girl

A quirky teacher, Jess, moves in to a loft with three guys after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend.

Starring: Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, Damon Wayans, Jr., Hannah Simone, Lamorne Morris.
Recurring Actors: Megan Fox, Nasim Pedrad, Nelson Franklin, Rob Reiner, Jamie Lee Curtis, Justin Long.
Original Run: 2011-2018.

Quote of the Day

Friday, July 30, 2021

Quote from Cece in A Chill Day In

Cece: The very fact that socks exist is proof that shoes don't work.

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Quote from Schmidt in Godparents

Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Girl: Nothing.
Schmidt: Typical!

Quote from Winston in Secrets

Winston: All right, everybody stop! Wherever you are right now, just sit down! Okay, now, Saturday is a day for sleeping, and damn it, you will not take that away from me! You, give her her scarf back. Finders keepers is not a thing. You, get out of my house!
Holly: Who are you?
Winston: Who am I? Who am I? Well, I am Theodore K. Mullins. And Nick is my lover on the down low. Tell her, Nick. Tell her how it really goes down in apartment 4D. Oh, great Negro spiritual, please come down and loose these chains on this woman! Flesh on flesh. When the lights are off, we are all the same.
Nick: Not true.
Winston: Dear lord, help me, Father! Get out of my house. Get out of my house!

Quote from Nick in Young Adult

Nick: I'm using magnetic words to break through my writer's block, and it's not working. I've already folded all my shirts and masturbated six times, and I'm running out of things to do. I'm just in a real bind. You see, The Pepperwood Chronicles sold over 30 copies, Jess.
Jess: So, what, we're complaining about good things now?
Nick: It's just, my audience is gonna be clamoring for a sequel, and I can't leave those stevedores, those-those tugboat workers, those lighthouse keepers empty-handed.
Jess: You think that your audience is entirely made of, like...
Nick: Blue-collar nautical workers on the coastline of Maine. I don't think that, Jess, I know that.

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Quote from Schmidt in LAXMas

Schmidt: You know what they call you where I'm from? A dirty old bitch. Dirty old "biatch." "Biatch," just in general. 'Cause I ain't from Manhattan, sir. I'm from Long Island. 5-1-6, up in your lounge, sucka.
Robert: You better calm down, or you're gonna be kicked out of the...
Schmidt: Good, I don't want to be in this lounge. I don't want to be in any club that you're a part of.
Cece: Okay, am I missing something?
Schmidt: I don't want to be in any lounge or club that you're a part of, sir. You dirty old bitch, for good measure. 'Cause I'm from Long Island, I'll take the railroad... LIRR.
Robert: You're embarrassing yourself.
Schmidt: New York, Long Island. Billy Joel. Cece, let's roll.
Cece: Okay.
Schmidt: [grabs champagne glass] Nassau County. Billy Joel, one more time. "Piano Man." "Goodnight Saigon." That's a sad one. Cry about that, you dirty old bitch.

Quote from Nick in House Hunt

Jess: How was New Orleans? How-how was everything?
Nick: It was great. [laughs] I came alive in that city, Jess. I was writing 2,000 pages a day by hand.
Jess: What?
Nick: By hand. Yes. Unfortunately, it all blew into the Mississippi River.
Jess: Oh, my God, no. That's terrible. I mean, for you and for the environment...
Nick: And I had to start over, so I invested in a computer... I bought the heaviest one I could find... and look... heavy computers, heavy materiel. This is my first book.
Jess: What?
Nick: Yeah. This is what I wanted to tell you.
Jess: Oh, my God.
Nick: [laughing] It's my book!
Jess: Nick, how many days did it take to print this out?
Nick: About a week. I had to go to a car rental place at night, but, uh... read the first page. Check it out.
Jess: "To Anthony Rizzo and the Chicago Cubs, for all we've been through." "And to my friend Jessica Day... for the same thing."
Nick: I don't know if you remember this, but, uh... you were the one who told me to go to New Orleans. So thank you.
Jess: You're welcome.

Quote from Schmidt in Godparents

Schmidt: I actually have to step out for just a second. You know, in preparation for this meeting, I ate an entire jar of salsa, and it is... [whistles] sliding right through me.