Adrian Monk Quote #1625
Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Goes to the Hospital
Dr. Scott: Okay, I'm not going to touch you. Relax.
Adrian Monk: Here's the thing. I went to the emergency room.
Dr. Scott: Let me guess, they tried to cauterize it, and it didn't take.
Adrian Monk: Exactly. And there was this woman in the waiting room. She said that her stepbrother-
Dr. Scott: Had the exact same symptom.
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Dr. Scott: And now you've convinced yourself there's some kind of tumor.
Adrian Monk: You think it's a tumor? He said tumor. He said the word "tumor." You heard him, and I knew it. I knew it. I can feel it. It's right back here. It's like the size of a basketball. For the love of God, can I get a room?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, that's not what he meant.
Dr. Scott: Mr. Monk, you don't have a tumor. Relax. Take a breath. Now, these conditions often have psychological components. Are you under a lot of stress?
Adrian Monk: I wouldn't say that.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I would.
‘Mr. Monk Goes to the Hospital’ Quotes
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Nurse: It's not possible. Mr. Johansen never left his room. He's been on the heart monitor all night. Here's a cardiogram. No gaps, no interruptions.
Lieutenant Disher: Actually, all we know for sure is that he never took the monitor off. What if he took it with him?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, please.
Lieutenant Disher: No, it's possible. I mean, all he had to do was strap the monitor to his back. And then climb out the window, shimmy down one story, unspooling 600 feet of wire along the way.
Nurse: He's 82 years old.
Lieutenant Disher: He's a veteran. They were the Greatest Generation.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You through?
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Adrian Monk: And, Randy, you hit it. Remember?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, let's see it. [Disher starts to unbutton his pants] What are you doing?
Lieutenant Disher: Showing you the bruise.
Adrian Monk: What's he doing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's near your ankle. Just pull up your pant leg.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, six of one, right?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's not six of one. Roll up your pant leg.
Lieutenant Disher: I'm already unbuckled. Okay, fine.
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Lieutenant Disher: Captain, look at this.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What is that?
Hospital Administrator: That looks like a seal. That could be from one of our oxygen tanks.
Captain Stottlemeyer: "Room 623."
Lieutenant Disher: Room 623. All right, let's go!
Hospital Administrator: Uh, Lieutenant, that's the geriatric ward. If he's a patient up there, he's at least 80 years old.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, then, we better move fast.