Captain Stottlemeyer Quote #111
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer in Mr. Monk Goes to Jail
Dale Biederbeck: Well, if it isn't "Captain Shtucklmeyer" and his cabana boy. I'm gettin' real popular.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is this a bad time, Dale?
Dale Biederbeck: You're here to talk to me about the late, not so great Ray Kaspo.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How did you guess?
Dale Biederbeck: Oh, I never guess, Captain. I knew you were coming before you did. Oh. Is that a bagel?
Lieutenant Disher: Mm-hmm. Want some?
Dale Biederbeck: Oh, uh, no, thanks. I can't. I'm on a low-carb diet.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I understand Ray Kaspo owed you some money.
Dale Biederbeck: Twelve hundred dollars. I wouldn't bend down to pick up $1,200. I mean, even if I could.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, I think you were trying to make an example of him. That would be more your style.
Dale Biederbeck: [laughs] Leland Stottlemeyer is lecturing me about style. The world has gone mad.
Lieutenant Disher: You hired Adrian Monk to find the real killer. Is that right?
Dale Biederbeck: Mm-hmm.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And why would you do that?
Dale Biederbeck: That's between me and Monk.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, we heard it's because you wanted a window. They won't install one until the case is closed.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is a window that important to you?
Dale Biederbeck: Try living without one.
‘Mr. Monk Goes to Jail’ Quotes
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Here. How about this? I'll pat myself down.
Guard: You're gonna pat yourself down?
Adrian Monk: I'm an honest man. I'm an ex-cop. You can trust me.
Guard: You're an ex-cop?
[Monk starts patting himself down. He pauses briefly to see the unimpressed reaction of the guard. As he resumes, he feels something in his own pocket]
Adrian Monk: Wait. Wait, wait. What's this? Oh, hey, hold on a second. What is this? Nail clippers? Where do I think I'm goin' with these? Can't bring that in here. I'll get these back when I leave.
Sharona: [to the guard] Thank you.
Adrian Monk: Thank you.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Nazi Inmate #1: I haven't beaten up a white boy in a long time.
Nazi Inmate #2: It'll come back to you. It's like ridin' a bike.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me. Excuse me. [reorients the inmate's Swastika pin] You'll thank me later.
Nazi Inmate #1: This is gonna be fun.
Adrian Monk: Okay, but before the fun, you might wanna return Spyder Rudner's watch.
Nazi Inmate #1: What?
Adrian Monk: The watch you stole from his cell. Uh, you can either give it to Spyder, or you can give it to me, or you can give it to Spyder.
Nazi Inmate #1: [hands over watch] You're gonna wish you were never born.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I'm way ahead of you.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think you're right, but that still leaves us with the big question: Why would anybody bother to spike a condemned prisoner's last meal?
Adrian Monk: His last meal?
Warden Christie: He was scheduled to be executed at midnight.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What do you think?
Adrian Monk: I think I'm out of here. I'm going home.
Sharona: Adrian!
Adrian Monk: I'm not sure it matters who killed this guy. He was gonna die in 45 minutes anyway. Sharona, I hate this place. I-I-I can't breathe in here. It's like... It's like a prison.
Sharona: It is a prison!