Adrian Monk Quote #244
Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Goes Back to School
Derek Philby: Mr. Monk, you had a question.
Adrian Monk: If you wouldn't mind.
Derek Philby: That's what teachers do satisfy curiosity.
Adrian Monk: Did you know Beth Landow was pregnant when she died?
Derek Philby: No. No, I didn't, but that would explain why she jumped, wouldn't it? The baby's father, whoever he was, must have run out on her, huh?
Adrian Monk: You. You were the father.
Derek Philby: Unfortunately, you can't prove that, Mr. Monk. Her body's already been cremated.
Adrian Monk: What did she do, threaten to tell your wife? You would have lost everything your new job, family...
Derek Philby: Again, impossible to prove. I think you're failing this course, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: I think I'm doing all right. I have a motive now.
Derek Philby: Well, you're gonna have to do a little better than that, Mr. Monk, because you're in a science classroom now, and when you're in my classroom, if you have a theory, you'd better have some proof to back it up. I was proctoring the S.A.T. test when that poor girl died. I never left the room. Okay? If that mouse vanished, you could think that the snake did it. I mean, he's got motive. He's hungry; he likes to eat mice... But he's in a separate cage. There's no way that the snake could have done it. It is one of the immutable laws of physics, Mr. Monk, nothing can be in two places at the same time. Any thoughts?
Adrian Monk: I think the snake did it.
‘Mr. Monk Goes Back to School’ Quotes
Quote from Adrian Monk
Derek Philby: Excuse me. What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Oh, I'm just making them even.
Derek Philby: But you're mixing the regular with the decaf.
Adrian Monk: But they're even.
Derek Philby: But they're mixed together.
Adrian Monk: But they're they're even.
Derek Philby: But they're mixed together.
Adrian Monk: But they're even.
Derek Philby: But they're mixed together.
Adrian Monk: ... But they're even. So the test was in progress when the car alarm sounded?
Quote from Sharona
Adrian Monk: Oh, ho-ho! You don't want to move there.
Sharona: Why not?
Adrian Monk: I'll capture your queen with my bishop. [Sharona licks the chess piece] What are you doing?
Sharona: What? Your move.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay, I win. You just forfeited.
Sharona: Why?
Adrian Monk: You can't do that. It's illegal.
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: You know what. You can't lick the queen. She's my queen. Doesn't matter whose queen it is. You can't lick any queen. It's an unwritten rule.
Sharona: There's an unwritten licking-the-queen rule?
Adrian Monk: You're not even allowed to touch a piece during a game. You can ask anybody.
Sharona: Oh, my God. You have been touching pieces left and right. You have been sexually harassing every piece on this board.
Adrian Monk: I was centering them. That's different.
Sharona: How's that different?
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay. Okay. I'll move. There.
Sharona: Check.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Sharona: Adrian, don't do that.
Adrian Monk: I'm just centering the pieces.
Sharona: I know what you're doing. I'm trying to concentrate.
Adrian Monk: Hold on. You'll thank me later.
Sharona: You always say that. Have I ever once thanked you later?
Adrian Monk: No.