Lieutenant Disher: So who's on your short list?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I've been at this all morning. Most of these guys are either in jail or dead.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, or both.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. Nobody is both.

Lieutenant Disher: [sings and plays guitar] Cupid was a gun for hire Took aim at Leland Stottlemeyer Who's love was wallowed in the mire We love you TK Stottlemeyer! Mr. And Mrs. Stottlemeyer.
Natalie: Sounds a little like Light My Fire.
Lieutenant Disher: What part?
Natalie: The words. And the music. Why don't you just play the wedding march?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I am I am during the service. This is for after. This is for the reception. This is my gift. It's either that or a trash compactor.
Natalie: Can't go wrong with a trash compactor.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, we have a victim founded in Colin Park. He was shot once and then burned.
Adrian Monk: I read the file, so where are we?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Still unidentified. Randy, what do we know about him?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, we know he was flammable. That's pretty much it.