Adrian Monk Quote #2646
Lieutenant Disher: They called him the Spider Lake Maniac because all the killings happened right here in these woods about a year ago. Actually, it was a year ago. Tonight. Now, there's a mental hospital about ten miles away from here. It's called the Lassen County Clinic. Everybody thought it was escape-proof. But somehow he escaped.
Adrian Monk: Randy, excuse me. The Lassen Clinic's been closed for 20 years.
Lieutenant Disher: That's right, yeah. It must've been another mental hospital.
Adrian Monk: Which one?
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know, I don't remember. But the point is he escaped. Now, on the first night, he killed two fishermen. Slit their throats. But he didn't need a knife. Want to know why? Because he didn't have a left hand. Instead, he had a razor-sharp hook! Argh!
Adrian Monk: Actually, they don't use hooks anymore. These days they have prosthetic hands. You know, rubber. Just like real hands.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, he had a hook.
Adrian Monk: Or a hand. It was probably a hand.
Lieutenant Disher: It was a hook.
Adrian Monk: Or a hand.
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Adrian Monk: Wait a minute. P-300? Isn't that a fatality?
Lieutenant Disher: It was pretty ugly. The driver hit a tractor trailer head-on. He and his wife were both DOA.
Adrian Monk: And this was the car that had the bumper sticker? "Happiness is a choice."
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, that's right. Well, actually it was on fire when I got there, so it was hard to read.
Adrian Monk: And this didn't deter you or make you think twice?
Lieutenant Disher: I mean, it was an epiphany, Monk. I mean, you can't just choose where you get it. I mean, it could be from a guru on a mountaintop or it could be from a bumper sticker on a burning Subaru.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Brian caught the fish. Possession is nine tenths of the law. That's the rule. In fact, when you're in the woods, it's ten tenths.
Nicky Phillips: Ten tenths? That doesn't sound right.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, rules don't have to sound right. That's another rule.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Brian Willis: What are we gonna do? He doesn't like the fish. He's gonna kill us! Do something.
Adrian Monk: [calmly] It's OK. It's OK. I'm very calm. We're very calm. Look how calm we are.
Brian Willis: He likes it. It's working. Keep talking, keep talking.
Adrian Monk: What do I say?
Brian Willis: I don't know. Tell him a story.
Adrian Monk: What? What story?
Brian Willis: It doesn't matter! He's a bear!
Adrian Monk: Okay. You're probably wondering what we're doing here. Here's what happened. See, an armored car was robbed, and the guard was killed, and the police recovered some shell casings from the crime scene. And if they could match them to the casings found in that clearing, they'd have an airtight case. [bear growls] Exactly. And those two men they weren't hunters, they were killers. They must've been target practicing up here, and someone must've spotted them. Maybe a park ranger. That's why they came back. 'cause they knew that those shell casings could tie them to the crime scene. [bear goes away]
Brian Willis: I guess it got bored. Nice work.
Adrian Monk: It's what I do.
Quote from Mr. Monk and the Daredevil
Natalie: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: Bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? [Monk is silent] I'll go with you.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let me go with you.
Natalie: We promised Dr. Kroger we wouldn't leave you alone.
Adrian Monk: I am not suicidal. I just wish I was never born. There's a difference.
Quote from Mr. Monk Is At Your Service
Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.